2) Lucia Osborne-Crowley’s beautiful essay on the complexity of navigating sexuality while recovering from sexual abuse https://granta.com/love-after-abuse/
The Body Keeps the Score: Brain, Mind, and Body in the Healing of Trauma by: Bessel van der Kolk
Atlas of the Heart: mapping meaningful connection & the language of human experience by: Brene Brown
The 1st needs little explanation, I trust.
But the 2nd is useful because it's a deep dive into explaining & labeling our emotions & how they affect us.
This is important because once you know & understand the emotion you're experiencing, you can gain power over it so it doesn't control you. And also explain better to others who might be confused or hurt by your response or reaction.
"If you know the enemy and know yourself, you need not fear the result of a hundred battles." - Sun Tzu, The Art of War
I would also say love yourself & learning to forgive yourself are major too.
Thanks for sharing these incredibly useful resources, Ada. 💕
I loved the Atlas of the Heart. Before I read it, I felt like I understood my emotions and could articulate them well, but that book still stretched me to be clearer and more nuanced in my language.
Yes, exactly! And The Body Keeps the S ore made me realize how much body & soul (and/or mind) are connected & affect each other.
We tend to speak of them as seperate parts of ourselves, but they're not. They make up us, together, and the least we can do is care for, love, & forgive ourselves.
Thanks for this invitation Clare - do you know - I think for once in my life - I have absolutely no books or podcasts to recommend. Everything I have read in this realm strikes me as somehow not properly addressing trauma or recovery. I struggle in this area and it is still really triggering for me. Even the third resource you shared wanted to make me cry - having a partner who wants to support you around this not shame you and get angry? I have never come across this in my lived experience - so I am commenting to read other people's suggestions.
I had the exact same response to that video the first time I saw it! They talked about finding a loving partner with so much ease and presumption of good in the world that I just wanted to sob. So yeah, maybe I should have included a health warning: this is great if you can find someone good, but there are no guarantees.
This attitude maybe isn't optimistic enough for some, but I do find comfort in the reality of sex post trauma being a complicated, messy thing and sometimes, it serves us best to just be honest about that.
Yes I agree Clare - I think its better just to be honest and clear about this stuff. For me the unclear or unstated feels very scary so if I know the bare bones of what I am getting into that feels much safer - even if it is not perfect.
For me, brain spotting therapy changed the entire game. Why? It released triggers nearly completely. Sexual joy entered my life. Mind you, I’m a yoga and movement teacher as well as an actor so embodiment, somatics and presence have long been areas of study and growth. So I had a foundation. For resources: theembodylab.com. And then google brain spotting by David Grand.
This is such a strong endorsement! In my experience, therapists are always recommending things that they believe will make a difference but new ideas so rarely lives up to the hype! The fact that this was *better* than you expected says a lot!
I’ll get the conversation started! I have dozens of resources I’d like to share here, but I’m gonna limit myself to three:
1) Speak to me in French is an episode of the Where Should We Begin? podcast, which is about establishing a new sexual relationship: https://www.estherperel.com/podcasts/wswb-s1-episode-3
2) Lucia Osborne-Crowley’s beautiful essay on the complexity of navigating sexuality while recovering from sexual abuse https://granta.com/love-after-abuse/
3) And, this video on supporting a partner who has experienced sexual trauma https://youtu.be/QtVWmKPFZpA?si=8BIIcLqRwpMgmG7L
The French episode altered me at a very vulnerable moment in my adult life. Love that you mention it here.
It was transformational for me too, Dana!
Clare, I appreciate Emily Nagoskii's books, Come As You Are and Come Together.
A great shout out, I love her work. Her newsletter is also great!
The Body Keeps the Score: Brain, Mind, and Body in the Healing of Trauma by: Bessel van der Kolk
Atlas of the Heart: mapping meaningful connection & the language of human experience by: Brene Brown
The 1st needs little explanation, I trust.
But the 2nd is useful because it's a deep dive into explaining & labeling our emotions & how they affect us.
This is important because once you know & understand the emotion you're experiencing, you can gain power over it so it doesn't control you. And also explain better to others who might be confused or hurt by your response or reaction.
"If you know the enemy and know yourself, you need not fear the result of a hundred battles." - Sun Tzu, The Art of War
I would also say love yourself & learning to forgive yourself are major too.
Thanks for sharing these incredibly useful resources, Ada. 💕
I loved the Atlas of the Heart. Before I read it, I felt like I understood my emotions and could articulate them well, but that book still stretched me to be clearer and more nuanced in my language.
Yes, exactly! And The Body Keeps the S ore made me realize how much body & soul (and/or mind) are connected & affect each other.
We tend to speak of them as seperate parts of ourselves, but they're not. They make up us, together, and the least we can do is care for, love, & forgive ourselves.
Edit: The Body Keeps the Score.
Of there's an edit for Comments, I'm not finding it.
Thanks for this invitation Clare - do you know - I think for once in my life - I have absolutely no books or podcasts to recommend. Everything I have read in this realm strikes me as somehow not properly addressing trauma or recovery. I struggle in this area and it is still really triggering for me. Even the third resource you shared wanted to make me cry - having a partner who wants to support you around this not shame you and get angry? I have never come across this in my lived experience - so I am commenting to read other people's suggestions.
I had the exact same response to that video the first time I saw it! They talked about finding a loving partner with so much ease and presumption of good in the world that I just wanted to sob. So yeah, maybe I should have included a health warning: this is great if you can find someone good, but there are no guarantees.
This attitude maybe isn't optimistic enough for some, but I do find comfort in the reality of sex post trauma being a complicated, messy thing and sometimes, it serves us best to just be honest about that.
Yes I agree Clare - I think its better just to be honest and clear about this stuff. For me the unclear or unstated feels very scary so if I know the bare bones of what I am getting into that feels much safer - even if it is not perfect.
Totally agree Catriona. Honesty is such an under-rated trait, particularly when it comes to messy, complex things like sex post trauma.
The Wisdom of Your Body by Hilary L McBride
Thanks for sharing this Dana. This book is new to me, but looks incredible. I'm excited to check it out!
Hi, I really liked the book "Feel it All" by Casey Tanner
Thanks for sharing this Caitlin. This looks like an incredible resource!
For me, brain spotting therapy changed the entire game. Why? It released triggers nearly completely. Sexual joy entered my life. Mind you, I’m a yoga and movement teacher as well as an actor so embodiment, somatics and presence have long been areas of study and growth. So I had a foundation. For resources: theembodylab.com. And then google brain spotting by David Grand.
Thank you Skylar. Brain spotting is new to me, but I'm excited to learn more about it!
When I first heard about it I thought it couldn't possibly be as good as the therapist said. But it actually was.
This is such a strong endorsement! In my experience, therapists are always recommending things that they believe will make a difference but new ideas so rarely lives up to the hype! The fact that this was *better* than you expected says a lot!
Thank you so much for sharing it Sklyar 💕