17 Comments

I’ll get the conversation started! I have dozens of resources I’d like to share here, but I’m gonna limit myself to three:

1) Speak to me in French is an episode of the Where Should We Begin? podcast, which is about establishing a new sexual relationship: https://www.estherperel.com/podcasts/wswb-s1-episode-3

2) Lucia Osborne-Crowley’s beautiful essay on the complexity of navigating sexuality while recovering from sexual abuse https://granta.com/love-after-abuse/

3) And, this video on supporting a partner who has experienced sexual trauma https://youtu.be/QtVWmKPFZpA?si=8BIIcLqRwpMgmG7L

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The French episode altered me at a very vulnerable moment in my adult life. Love that you mention it here.

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It was transformational for me too, Dana!

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Clare, I appreciate Emily Nagoskii's books, Come As You Are and Come Together.

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A great shout out, I love her work. Her newsletter is also great!

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Thanks for this invitation Clare - do you know - I think for once in my life - I have absolutely no books or podcasts to recommend. Everything I have read in this realm strikes me as somehow not properly addressing trauma or recovery. I struggle in this area and it is still really triggering for me. Even the third resource you shared wanted to make me cry - having a partner who wants to support you around this not shame you and get angry? I have never come across this in my lived experience - so I am commenting to read other people's suggestions.

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I had the exact same response to that video the first time I saw it! They talked about finding a loving partner with so much ease and presumption of good in the world that I just wanted to sob. So yeah, maybe I should have included a health warning: this is great if you can find someone good, but there are no guarantees.

This attitude maybe isn't optimistic enough for some, but I do find comfort in the reality of sex post trauma being a complicated, messy thing and sometimes, it serves us best to just be honest about that.

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Yes I agree Clare - I think its better just to be honest and clear about this stuff. For me the unclear or unstated feels very scary so if I know the bare bones of what I am getting into that feels much safer - even if it is not perfect.

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Totally agree Catriona. Honesty is such an under-rated trait, particularly when it comes to messy, complex things like sex post trauma.

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The Wisdom of Your Body by Hilary L McBride

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Thanks for sharing this Dana. This book is new to me, but looks incredible. I'm excited to check it out!

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Hi, I really liked the book "Feel it All" by Casey Tanner

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Thanks for sharing this Caitlin. This looks like an incredible resource!

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For me, brain spotting therapy changed the entire game. Why? It released triggers nearly completely. Sexual joy entered my life. Mind you, I’m a yoga and movement teacher as well as an actor so embodiment, somatics and presence have long been areas of study and growth. So I had a foundation. For resources: theembodylab.com. And then google brain spotting by David Grand.

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Thank you Skylar. Brain spotting is new to me, but I'm excited to learn more about it!

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When I first heard about it I thought it couldn't possibly be as good as the therapist said. But it actually was.

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This is such a strong endorsement! In my experience, therapists are always recommending things that they believe will make a difference but new ideas so rarely lives up to the hype! The fact that this was *better* than you expected says a lot!

Thank you so much for sharing it Sklyar 💕

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