Great name ‘it does exactly what it says on the tin!’
Bit of a strange request but some work or insight into (when your abuser dies) how to navigate your own feelings whilst supporting others in their grief.
I only want to recover myself from the trauma and would not nor do I ever intended to destroy the memories of the person they loved.
It’s hard to sit through the outpourings of grief for my abuser and as a survivor of their abuse I find myself asking myself “was it really that bad?”
Thank you Ann. And thanks for sharing a little of your own experience too. It's always a really complicated thing to navigate the death of an abuser, especially when they are also someone that people close to you loved. This is a question I'm going to have to think on, and take on some long walks to try to find my way through it but thank you so much for planting the seed.
One thing I know for sure is that every person who's experienced abuse has moments of wondering "was it really that bad?". Even people who've been through the most horrific things wonder if they're "making a big deal out of it". I have never met a survivor where that was true. The impact of abuse stays with us because it *was* that bad, and even if we find a way to survive it, it doesn't mean that it wasn't horrific.
I wish you lots of grace and compassion as you navigate this moment. Sending strength and solidarity from Dublin, and thank you again for being here 💕
Thank you for your thoughts on this and you kind words.
I have been holding space for myself but the situation prompted my questions for other survivors who may need to navigate something similar.
I am truly lucky to have people around me who allow me to stay present within my own healing whilst I offer those who are clearly struggling through their own grief.
I personally have already grieved their loss many years ago but I am mindful that those unhelpful inner thoughts re the trauma that is being ignited and fearful that these things could undo some or all the progress made. I guess this is another layer to be healed.
Mindfulness is particularly important so as not to disassociate along the knowledge that there can be two truths. This is also important .
These are some of the reasons I wanted to suggest this theme as it is rarely discussed.
I have some insight into this and feel I could offer some help to others in similar circumstances.
Gurl, the name is PERFECT! Sometimes simple is solid gold. I'm so glad my post helped... I'm sure you know the warm + fuzzies that come with knowing something you created truly helped someone. The shout-out means the world! 🫶
P.S. You had me at trauma! Money + creativity would be epic corners of healing from trauma to cover, but I'm sure I'm going to get a lot of whatever parts you choose. Can't wait!
Thank you Dre! Your post was incredibly helpful, and I'm so grateful to you for that 💕
We've had a few votes for creativity, so that'll be coming soon. But I also want to talk about money! Specifically how difficult it is for me to spend money on, eh, anything and how trauma warps your understanding of worth and value even when it comes to something as simple as the bread you buy.
Always happy to see you in my inbox! Happy new year :)
I love the name! It flows really well when I read it aloud too: “The Life After Trauma podcast.” :)
Looking forward to seeing you and this community grow.
And I’m internally squeeing with delight at your ‘map’. It *does* look like a periodic table — and I’m feeling better about own naming journey I’m on atm, which includes copious notebooks, notes, poetry and drafts. I partially feel like I need to bounce them off someone but I also feel like this is a deeply personal thing?
I like seeing how you grouped various names together, and your thought process too!
I hope your naming journey is going OK! I found it a really vexing question but what really helped was trying to relax a little and make the process a little loose and playful. I mean, I didn't really achieve that. You've seen my map (which was made for free on mural.co, btw)! But I have to say that I really like where I landed. It was all worth it in the end!
P.S. Feel free to send me a DM if you'd like another POV on your options. It's a deeply personal thing, and I always encourage creatives to follow their own instincts. But if you'd like an outside perspective, I'd be happy to weigh in!
Hurrah!!! It's here. Great name. Short, sweet and to the point. Perfect. Much better than your previous name. I think you'll get alot more traction with this snappy, informative name. So happy to have met you and played a tiny part in your brainstorming. Best of luck. Look forward to watching you continue to grow. xo
Thank you Kim! That group brainstorm was so helpful in me landing on a name that feels right! I was a bit grumpy about having to change the name at all TBH, but I think I'm almost at the point where I'm grateful to have been pushed into it.
I'm so happy we met, and am looking forward to following your work too 💕
Great Name! Straight to the point! In my journey of life after trauma, I embrace Hope & Healing. Learning to be present in the moment instead of dissociating huge chunks of my life away. Loving the little things. Getting my nervous system to reset from fight or flight into comfort and consciousness. Taking note of life's little joys.
Thank you, Dawn! This is an incredible list of practices. I get a lot from recognising and celebrating life's little joys too. Yesterday was one of those days when a hot meal and a brisk walk saved what could have been a very bleurgh day. But taking a minute to acknowledge the good is one of my most reliable practices. 💕
I love the new name, Clare. The simplest ones are often the best, and as you write, this is one that will call out to the people you most want to reach.
I love the thoughtfulness you put into your Substack, Clare. It demonstrates how much you care about others who are surviving trauma, as well as your passion to honor their experiences. I would like to see ways people can learn how to use process/exploratory journaling to work through trauma in a safe way. So, the intersection of writing and healing, I guess?
Love this idea, Jeannie. Journalling has been such a companion to me through difficult moments, and I think it'd be great to explore that more as a community. 💕
Well done Clare, this looks great! You have so many impactful things coming up that are going to help so many people. I look forward to hanging out with you more in Amanda's community (OK, I know that's the worst grammar ever but you get the idea🤣)
Thank you Donna 💕 I'm so happy to have met you, and grateful for your input as I tried to find a new name. I've just subscribed to your newsletter too, and am looking forward to reading more of your work!
Sorry to hear about the name change, but delighted you're still here!
Absolutely! It'll take more than that to scare me off :)
Great name ‘it does exactly what it says on the tin!’
Bit of a strange request but some work or insight into (when your abuser dies) how to navigate your own feelings whilst supporting others in their grief.
I only want to recover myself from the trauma and would not nor do I ever intended to destroy the memories of the person they loved.
It’s hard to sit through the outpourings of grief for my abuser and as a survivor of their abuse I find myself asking myself “was it really that bad?”
Thank you Ann. And thanks for sharing a little of your own experience too. It's always a really complicated thing to navigate the death of an abuser, especially when they are also someone that people close to you loved. This is a question I'm going to have to think on, and take on some long walks to try to find my way through it but thank you so much for planting the seed.
One thing I know for sure is that every person who's experienced abuse has moments of wondering "was it really that bad?". Even people who've been through the most horrific things wonder if they're "making a big deal out of it". I have never met a survivor where that was true. The impact of abuse stays with us because it *was* that bad, and even if we find a way to survive it, it doesn't mean that it wasn't horrific.
I wish you lots of grace and compassion as you navigate this moment. Sending strength and solidarity from Dublin, and thank you again for being here 💕
Thank you for your thoughts on this and you kind words.
I have been holding space for myself but the situation prompted my questions for other survivors who may need to navigate something similar.
I am truly lucky to have people around me who allow me to stay present within my own healing whilst I offer those who are clearly struggling through their own grief.
I personally have already grieved their loss many years ago but I am mindful that those unhelpful inner thoughts re the trauma that is being ignited and fearful that these things could undo some or all the progress made. I guess this is another layer to be healed.
Mindfulness is particularly important so as not to disassociate along the knowledge that there can be two truths. This is also important .
These are some of the reasons I wanted to suggest this theme as it is rarely discussed.
I have some insight into this and feel I could offer some help to others in similar circumstances.
Sending you love and light from London. 🦋
There's so much wisdom here Ann, thank you for sharing. I'm sure it'll be very helpful for other survivors navigating similar situations 💕
Gurl, the name is PERFECT! Sometimes simple is solid gold. I'm so glad my post helped... I'm sure you know the warm + fuzzies that come with knowing something you created truly helped someone. The shout-out means the world! 🫶
P.S. You had me at trauma! Money + creativity would be epic corners of healing from trauma to cover, but I'm sure I'm going to get a lot of whatever parts you choose. Can't wait!
Thank you Dre! Your post was incredibly helpful, and I'm so grateful to you for that 💕
We've had a few votes for creativity, so that'll be coming soon. But I also want to talk about money! Specifically how difficult it is for me to spend money on, eh, anything and how trauma warps your understanding of worth and value even when it comes to something as simple as the bread you buy.
Always happy to see you in my inbox! Happy new year :)
I love the name! It flows really well when I read it aloud too: “The Life After Trauma podcast.” :)
Looking forward to seeing you and this community grow.
And I’m internally squeeing with delight at your ‘map’. It *does* look like a periodic table — and I’m feeling better about own naming journey I’m on atm, which includes copious notebooks, notes, poetry and drafts. I partially feel like I need to bounce them off someone but I also feel like this is a deeply personal thing?
I like seeing how you grouped various names together, and your thought process too!
Thanks Sandi 💕
I hope your naming journey is going OK! I found it a really vexing question but what really helped was trying to relax a little and make the process a little loose and playful. I mean, I didn't really achieve that. You've seen my map (which was made for free on mural.co, btw)! But I have to say that I really like where I landed. It was all worth it in the end!
P.S. Feel free to send me a DM if you'd like another POV on your options. It's a deeply personal thing, and I always encourage creatives to follow their own instincts. But if you'd like an outside perspective, I'd be happy to weigh in!
Hurrah!!! It's here. Great name. Short, sweet and to the point. Perfect. Much better than your previous name. I think you'll get alot more traction with this snappy, informative name. So happy to have met you and played a tiny part in your brainstorming. Best of luck. Look forward to watching you continue to grow. xo
Thank you Kim! That group brainstorm was so helpful in me landing on a name that feels right! I was a bit grumpy about having to change the name at all TBH, but I think I'm almost at the point where I'm grateful to have been pushed into it.
I'm so happy we met, and am looking forward to following your work too 💕
Great Name! Straight to the point! In my journey of life after trauma, I embrace Hope & Healing. Learning to be present in the moment instead of dissociating huge chunks of my life away. Loving the little things. Getting my nervous system to reset from fight or flight into comfort and consciousness. Taking note of life's little joys.
Thank you, Dawn! This is an incredible list of practices. I get a lot from recognising and celebrating life's little joys too. Yesterday was one of those days when a hot meal and a brisk walk saved what could have been a very bleurgh day. But taking a minute to acknowledge the good is one of my most reliable practices. 💕
I love the new name, Clare. The simplest ones are often the best, and as you write, this is one that will call out to the people you most want to reach.
Thanks Rachel. I really appreciate your kind support (& I'm excited to see how your newsletter unfolds this year too!) 💕
Yes, yes, yes!!! 🎉
Thank you Amanda 💕 That workshop was so useful for me, and I appreciate all of your generous support!
I love the thoughtfulness you put into your Substack, Clare. It demonstrates how much you care about others who are surviving trauma, as well as your passion to honor their experiences. I would like to see ways people can learn how to use process/exploratory journaling to work through trauma in a safe way. So, the intersection of writing and healing, I guess?
Love this idea, Jeannie. Journalling has been such a companion to me through difficult moments, and I think it'd be great to explore that more as a community. 💕
Well done Clare, this looks great! You have so many impactful things coming up that are going to help so many people. I look forward to hanging out with you more in Amanda's community (OK, I know that's the worst grammar ever but you get the idea🤣)
Thank you Donna 💕 I'm so happy to have met you, and grateful for your input as I tried to find a new name. I've just subscribed to your newsletter too, and am looking forward to reading more of your work!