At this time of year, I often ask myself: is this a December problem, or a January problem? Anything that happens after today is 100% a January problem. I don’t need to figure out a solution right now. I can pause, and return to it with a fresh perspective in the New Year.
I’m also very intentional about the limits of my social energy. Every year, I pick a handful of things I want to do and leave the rest aside. All I want is to feel cozy and safe. If that means skipping the raucous Christmas party, I’m 100% fine with that.
Comfort food and comfort movies, in abundance and without guilt! Also we are having a misfits Christmas with other queer friends who, for whatever reason, can't or won't be joining their families!
My birthday was this week. There were the highs of birthday messages followed by the lows of being contacted by so many people who I am no longer in regular touch with. I've been extremely gentle with myself in the days after. And, I purchased my own allergy-friendly cake to bring to game night tonight - 'cause I want cake + I can make that happen for myself.
I've been less available for phone chats and text threads. I'm being intentional about the time I do spend with other people (board games + my board game crew are a yes, but not much else is).
I am exploring whether attending Christmas will be safe for me, and if there's anything I can do pro-actively to make it so. Maybe I can go for a set period but not spend the night? Maybe I can enlist certain family members to help buffer the problematic ones? Making zero commitments yet, but exploring possibilities.
This sounds like a great & very mindful approach Leigh. I've done those festive 'calculatations' trying to figure out how to get the support I need, while also knowing that people are messy, complicated and sometimes just plain difficult. I hope it lands someplace that feels OK to you, and that you'll be able to prioritise self-care.
Love that you brought your own cake too! I hope it was delicious 🎂
In between all the hustle and bustle, all the kids concerts and plays that are happening I’ve been enjoying the time in between as much as I can. I’ve been reading books again and watching shows on my own and taking the doggos out more so exercise is in the mix of healthy me time I enjoy. It’s been hard but I’m slowly learning how to take care of me.
Love the idea of making the most of the 'in between time'. Such a great idea!
It's almost annoying how beneficial a good winter walk is for the mind and body too. And having doggos for company would make it even nicer. Except for cold, rainy days maybe, but you know the saying: "there's no such thing as bad weather. Only bad clothes".
I love that this kind of conversation is now quite prevalent! Not enough in France sadly, but we're always behind.
Anyhoo. How I look after myself is varied, but one of the most effective has been to stop going to family gatherings. I just stay at home with my dog, eat what I want, watch a favourite movie and go to bed early : lovely. Cos what wasn't lovely was all the conflict and the risk of catching Covid, at the family gatherings. Not worth it at all.
So I recommend everyone to actually really reflect on how they'd like to spend their time, energy (and money).
This is such good advice! I've spent many Christmases alone and while some of them were quite sad, it was so much better than the alternative. Like you, I ate good food and watching movies and stayed cozy and safe all day.
I think it's great advice for each of us to think about how we'd like to spend those days, and to make a plan that brings us as close as possible to those desires. It might never be perfect, but there's a lot to be said for choosing something closer to what you would like. This can get more complicated with children, pets, inlaws etc, but in many cases, it is still possible!
In the past, I've let my boundaries soften because I was feeling festive and loving. BAD IDEA! Those boundaries exist for a reason, and I work hard to honour them.
Nothing makes me feel more like an alien than Christmas. Outside and just holding my breath ... no, keeping very busy actually, convincing myself it is a day. I can get through a day. Childhood Christmases were never good. In college I spent some with acquaintances and one alone. Then I married a foreigner with his own traditions. Can't wait for January.
Oof, hard relate on the alien thing. I sometimes look around and wonder "why are all these people happy?" But, I've learned to keep that thought inside my head!
January is only 14 days away. There's a lot of crap between now and then, but we've got this. We can make it to January.
At this time of year, I often ask myself: is this a December problem, or a January problem? Anything that happens after today is 100% a January problem. I don’t need to figure out a solution right now. I can pause, and return to it with a fresh perspective in the New Year.
I’m also very intentional about the limits of my social energy. Every year, I pick a handful of things I want to do and leave the rest aside. All I want is to feel cozy and safe. If that means skipping the raucous Christmas party, I’m 100% fine with that.
Comfort food and comfort movies, in abundance and without guilt! Also we are having a misfits Christmas with other queer friends who, for whatever reason, can't or won't be joining their families!
That sounds heavenly Aisling. I hope you really enjoy it. 💕
I'd love to join the misfits Christmas one year. We have family obligations this year, but this sounds incredibly fun!
My birthday was this week. There were the highs of birthday messages followed by the lows of being contacted by so many people who I am no longer in regular touch with. I've been extremely gentle with myself in the days after. And, I purchased my own allergy-friendly cake to bring to game night tonight - 'cause I want cake + I can make that happen for myself.
I've been less available for phone chats and text threads. I'm being intentional about the time I do spend with other people (board games + my board game crew are a yes, but not much else is).
I am exploring whether attending Christmas will be safe for me, and if there's anything I can do pro-actively to make it so. Maybe I can go for a set period but not spend the night? Maybe I can enlist certain family members to help buffer the problematic ones? Making zero commitments yet, but exploring possibilities.
This sounds like a great & very mindful approach Leigh. I've done those festive 'calculatations' trying to figure out how to get the support I need, while also knowing that people are messy, complicated and sometimes just plain difficult. I hope it lands someplace that feels OK to you, and that you'll be able to prioritise self-care.
Love that you brought your own cake too! I hope it was delicious 🎂
In between all the hustle and bustle, all the kids concerts and plays that are happening I’ve been enjoying the time in between as much as I can. I’ve been reading books again and watching shows on my own and taking the doggos out more so exercise is in the mix of healthy me time I enjoy. It’s been hard but I’m slowly learning how to take care of me.
Love the idea of making the most of the 'in between time'. Such a great idea!
It's almost annoying how beneficial a good winter walk is for the mind and body too. And having doggos for company would make it even nicer. Except for cold, rainy days maybe, but you know the saying: "there's no such thing as bad weather. Only bad clothes".
Thanks for sharing your experience 💕
I love that this kind of conversation is now quite prevalent! Not enough in France sadly, but we're always behind.
Anyhoo. How I look after myself is varied, but one of the most effective has been to stop going to family gatherings. I just stay at home with my dog, eat what I want, watch a favourite movie and go to bed early : lovely. Cos what wasn't lovely was all the conflict and the risk of catching Covid, at the family gatherings. Not worth it at all.
So I recommend everyone to actually really reflect on how they'd like to spend their time, energy (and money).
Xxx
This is such good advice! I've spent many Christmases alone and while some of them were quite sad, it was so much better than the alternative. Like you, I ate good food and watching movies and stayed cozy and safe all day.
I think it's great advice for each of us to think about how we'd like to spend those days, and to make a plan that brings us as close as possible to those desires. It might never be perfect, but there's a lot to be said for choosing something closer to what you would like. This can get more complicated with children, pets, inlaws etc, but in many cases, it is still possible!
I think setting boundaries is important 🫂❤️🩹
So important, Sarah.
In the past, I've let my boundaries soften because I was feeling festive and loving. BAD IDEA! Those boundaries exist for a reason, and I work hard to honour them.
Nothing makes me feel more like an alien than Christmas. Outside and just holding my breath ... no, keeping very busy actually, convincing myself it is a day. I can get through a day. Childhood Christmases were never good. In college I spent some with acquaintances and one alone. Then I married a foreigner with his own traditions. Can't wait for January.
Oof, hard relate on the alien thing. I sometimes look around and wonder "why are all these people happy?" But, I've learned to keep that thought inside my head!
January is only 14 days away. There's a lot of crap between now and then, but we've got this. We can make it to January.
Sending love and solidarity, Ren. 💕
Back at you! <3