💬 Self-care through the festive period
December isn’t always easy for trauma survivors.
This time of year is a lot, isn’t it?
I’m trying not to be too much of a downer on Notes, but the truth is I am feeling a little tender. I’m proud of myself for knowing my limits and prioritising self-care, but sometimes, life just hurts.
I always miss my mother but my sensory memories of her are particularly acute at Christmas time. Neither she nor I particularly enjoyed Christmas, but that doesn’t seem to matter. The cold, dark days weigh heavily on me and I am less resilient than usual.
It’s a difficult time of year for survivors of sexual violence too.
Most sexual violence is perpetrated by someone known to the victim. In about 90% of cases involving children and 70% of cases involving adults, the assailant is someone the victim knows. Hollywood has tried to teach us that sexual violence usually involves violent strangers. But those cases are comparatively rare. For many survivors, the person who attacked them might also be sitting at their Christmas dinner table.
Alongside all the forced merriment and cheer, there’s also a sharp increase in deep human suffering at this time of year. Rates of suicidality, sexual violence, addiction relapse and domestic violence all spike at Christmas time, and there isn’t much room for conversation about what it’s like to celebrate the holidays while also grieving/managing trauma/trying to find a way to survive.
💬Today, I thought we could chat about the things we’re doing to take care of ourselves through this tricky time. What are your trusted resources/activities/mindsets for navigating the festive period? I'll share some of mine too!
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At this time of year, I often ask myself: is this a December problem, or a January problem? Anything that happens after today is 100% a January problem. I don’t need to figure out a solution right now. I can pause, and return to it with a fresh perspective in the New Year.
I’m also very intentional about the limits of my social energy. Every year, I pick a handful of things I want to do and leave the rest aside. All I want is to feel cozy and safe. If that means skipping the raucous Christmas party, I’m 100% fine with that.
Comfort food and comfort movies, in abundance and without guilt! Also we are having a misfits Christmas with other queer friends who, for whatever reason, can't or won't be joining their families!