I also took time off work, and ended up moving back in with my dad. It has been immensely difficult in many ways but I really needed to use the precious energy I had left and focus on healing.
I also left an emotionally intense job working with kids, because I was just always on high alert, worrying about everything I did/didn’t do, constantly listening out for signs of abuse etc. I took a really mundane admin job which bores me to tears, but has freed up a massive amount of headspace and rarely stresses me out.
Therapy, in particular somatic work, Internal Family Systems, and EMDR, have been transformative for me, as they have really helped me piece together what’s going on and tackle things before they get worse.
Thanks for sharing a little of your experience, Annie. I think the various therapy modalities you've tried will be especially useful for other readers.
There's a lot to be said for mundane work. Maybe not forever, but the few years I worked a shitty job and gave all my emotional energy to my life and recovery were some of the richest years of my life. It's advice I wish someone had told me when I was 22 and desperate to make my mark in the world. Sometimes it's enough to just survive. Sometimes surviving is A LOT.
Thanks for being here, Annie. I really appreciate your kind comment and presence here 💕
Thank you for writing this! The work of healing can feel so confusing and lonely — it felt so nice to read through your list and recognize the things that I have done as well.
Allowing myself to finally feel my anger has also been a huge step forward in my process. Last winter I started writing letters about my anger to the men that had harassed or assaulted me and then read them to my therapist. It was so hard to access that anger, but it helped me to stop blaming myself for what happened and to put the blame where it belonged. I still come back to those (and the process itself) when it’s feeling difficult or when I have another triggering experience.
Thank you Kelsey. I'm so glad this piece was useful for you! 💕
I also wrote letters and read them to my therapist. It was incredibly useful, though I did feel for my poor therapist who had to witness all that rage. My anger hasn't gone away, but I do feel like I've a few more skills to help myself navigate it.
Thanks for sharing a little of your experience Kelsey. I'm so grateful for your presence here 💕
Great piece Clare - I agree there is no list but all the same this one is very helpful. Even after years of working through symptoms like this I have written down two new tips and ideas. Thank you for your work on this topic. I don't think I could volunteer with other survivors I think I would find it too triggering but I have found benefit in those services over the years and very impressed that it is something you can safely show up for.
You're so right. The recovery process is never ending and if I sat down to write this column again in a year, I think I would have come up with different suggestions.
I do find volunteering triggering sometimes. Coming face to face with the horrible things humans do to eachother never stops being completely devestating. But I am grateful to have reached a point in my recovery when I have a little capacity to be there for someone else.
Sending lots of love and support your way, my friend. I really appreciate your presence here 💕
Beautiful share Clare. I would add to this that EMDR therapy is revolutionary for so many people carrying trauma (myself included). It helps the body and mind to release painful emotion and reprocess traumatic memories.
Thanks for being willing to walk us through your experiences in such a raw and relatable way ❤️🙏
Thank you Vicki. I'm so glad you added EMDR to the conversation. I haven't tried it myself, but I know that it's been incredibly helpful for a lot of people and I really appreciate you sharing the suggestion with the community. 💕
I want to thank you for this thoughtful post today. It was refreshing and validating to read that it's important to allow ourselves to feel rage. That is one aspect of trauma recovery I still feel immensely ashamed of--anger and rage. Also about stepping back from important relationships. That's a tough one, too. What I do is allow myself room to be alone when I need to, because my window of tolerance has always been narrow--always, since childhood--and I need frequent breaks living with a husband, five kids, and a dog. In the past, they would get offended by this, and I in turn would feel guilty. Now I just say "I need a break, and I'm going to be in my room reading for a while," and whether or not they receive that is on them.
Everything you mentioned here is so vital to recovery: rest, therapy, nature. And I want to say one last thing: I get what you mean about "making it" as a writer. You are doing worthy work, Clare. You are honoring so many people's lives and stories and your own, as well. Thank you for that. I'm glad you keep showing up in this space. We need your voice.
Jeannie, thank you so much for this. 💕 Trully, I'm going to save this comment and return to it on difficult days. I might not have "made it" as a writer, but I certainly feel like I've made something worthwhile in this space. I'm deeply grateful for that, and for your supportive presence here.
I deeply relate on the need for a little solo time to recharge. Not everyone understands that need, but it's as necessary for me as food and water. It was a turning point in my recovery when I decided to prioritise the things that helped me to feel well, even if it annoyed other people. I learned to let them be annoyed, and move forward regardless.
Clare, there’s so much pressure to “make it” as a writer these days, isn’t there? I feel that, too, especially as I query agents who send me rejection after rejection. Either that, or they ghost me. I just want to reiterate that what you are doing is worthy work. Never forget that—you are shaping lives, changing hearts, and offering a healing touch through your courageous sharing.
I also took time off work, and ended up moving back in with my dad. It has been immensely difficult in many ways but I really needed to use the precious energy I had left and focus on healing.
I also left an emotionally intense job working with kids, because I was just always on high alert, worrying about everything I did/didn’t do, constantly listening out for signs of abuse etc. I took a really mundane admin job which bores me to tears, but has freed up a massive amount of headspace and rarely stresses me out.
Therapy, in particular somatic work, Internal Family Systems, and EMDR, have been transformative for me, as they have really helped me piece together what’s going on and tackle things before they get worse.
Thanks for sharing a little of your experience, Annie. I think the various therapy modalities you've tried will be especially useful for other readers.
There's a lot to be said for mundane work. Maybe not forever, but the few years I worked a shitty job and gave all my emotional energy to my life and recovery were some of the richest years of my life. It's advice I wish someone had told me when I was 22 and desperate to make my mark in the world. Sometimes it's enough to just survive. Sometimes surviving is A LOT.
Thanks for being here, Annie. I really appreciate your kind comment and presence here 💕
Love these actionable suggestions, and that there are enough to mix and match.
Thanks so much Shawna. I'm so glad it was useful 💕
Thank you for writing this! The work of healing can feel so confusing and lonely — it felt so nice to read through your list and recognize the things that I have done as well.
Allowing myself to finally feel my anger has also been a huge step forward in my process. Last winter I started writing letters about my anger to the men that had harassed or assaulted me and then read them to my therapist. It was so hard to access that anger, but it helped me to stop blaming myself for what happened and to put the blame where it belonged. I still come back to those (and the process itself) when it’s feeling difficult or when I have another triggering experience.
Thank you Kelsey. I'm so glad this piece was useful for you! 💕
I also wrote letters and read them to my therapist. It was incredibly useful, though I did feel for my poor therapist who had to witness all that rage. My anger hasn't gone away, but I do feel like I've a few more skills to help myself navigate it.
Thanks for sharing a little of your experience Kelsey. I'm so grateful for your presence here 💕
Great piece Clare - I agree there is no list but all the same this one is very helpful. Even after years of working through symptoms like this I have written down two new tips and ideas. Thank you for your work on this topic. I don't think I could volunteer with other survivors I think I would find it too triggering but I have found benefit in those services over the years and very impressed that it is something you can safely show up for.
Thank you Catriona.
You're so right. The recovery process is never ending and if I sat down to write this column again in a year, I think I would have come up with different suggestions.
I do find volunteering triggering sometimes. Coming face to face with the horrible things humans do to eachother never stops being completely devestating. But I am grateful to have reached a point in my recovery when I have a little capacity to be there for someone else.
Sending lots of love and support your way, my friend. I really appreciate your presence here 💕
Beautiful share Clare. I would add to this that EMDR therapy is revolutionary for so many people carrying trauma (myself included). It helps the body and mind to release painful emotion and reprocess traumatic memories.
Thanks for being willing to walk us through your experiences in such a raw and relatable way ❤️🙏
Thank you Vicki. I'm so glad you added EMDR to the conversation. I haven't tried it myself, but I know that it's been incredibly helpful for a lot of people and I really appreciate you sharing the suggestion with the community. 💕
I feel like your recent essay on 'what does healing look like' could be a beautiful companion to this piece. I'm including the link here, just in case anyone wants to read it: https://drvickiconnop.substack.com/p/what-does-healing-look-like
Oh thanks so much for linking to my piece Clare 😊
Clare,
I want to thank you for this thoughtful post today. It was refreshing and validating to read that it's important to allow ourselves to feel rage. That is one aspect of trauma recovery I still feel immensely ashamed of--anger and rage. Also about stepping back from important relationships. That's a tough one, too. What I do is allow myself room to be alone when I need to, because my window of tolerance has always been narrow--always, since childhood--and I need frequent breaks living with a husband, five kids, and a dog. In the past, they would get offended by this, and I in turn would feel guilty. Now I just say "I need a break, and I'm going to be in my room reading for a while," and whether or not they receive that is on them.
Everything you mentioned here is so vital to recovery: rest, therapy, nature. And I want to say one last thing: I get what you mean about "making it" as a writer. You are doing worthy work, Clare. You are honoring so many people's lives and stories and your own, as well. Thank you for that. I'm glad you keep showing up in this space. We need your voice.
Jeannie, thank you so much for this. 💕 Trully, I'm going to save this comment and return to it on difficult days. I might not have "made it" as a writer, but I certainly feel like I've made something worthwhile in this space. I'm deeply grateful for that, and for your supportive presence here.
I deeply relate on the need for a little solo time to recharge. Not everyone understands that need, but it's as necessary for me as food and water. It was a turning point in my recovery when I decided to prioritise the things that helped me to feel well, even if it annoyed other people. I learned to let them be annoyed, and move forward regardless.
Clare, there’s so much pressure to “make it” as a writer these days, isn’t there? I feel that, too, especially as I query agents who send me rejection after rejection. Either that, or they ghost me. I just want to reiterate that what you are doing is worthy work. Never forget that—you are shaping lives, changing hearts, and offering a healing touch through your courageous sharing.
Thank you so much my friend 💕
Always. :)