I never learned to drive and have recently discovered I need to, in order to be the parent I'd like to be. I feel quite terrified of being in control of something so powerful, and have vowed to be such a slow and careful driver that I frustrate everyone [reckless] around me. I won't care.
I am also a slow and careful driver, Em, and am sure it frustrates other drivers. The only way I feel comfortable behind the wheel is to drive in a way that I feel like I could react if something unexpected were to happen. If that means I need to drive slowly and frustrate other drivers, that's OK with me. I really wish our world was built in a way that driving didn't feel mandatory. Ireland has reasonable transportation links in Dublin, but it's not feasible to rely on public transport outside the capital. And as you say, driving is often required to be the kind of parent you want to be. Deciding to be a mindful, careful driver feels like a great first step to make this scary but necessary thing a little less anxiety inducing.
Thank you for sharing this authentic description of loss and grief. I'm so sorry this happened to you and your siblings. Thinking of you today and sending love!❤️
Oh Clare, my heart aches for you. I am one of those who holds the anxiety awareness every time I step into a car that I am holding my life and the lives of those I care for in my hands (partly because I drive only occasionally, and partly because I had a car accident a decade ago that could have gone much worse), but I can only imagine how that fear must be magnified by the loss you’ve experienced. Sending you so much love on this difficult day.
I am sorry for your loss, Clare. I lost my father in a car accident a week before my 16th birthday (which was also a few days before Christmas). My mother was at a work pre-Xmas party and I was home alone with my 7 year old brother, who was already asleep. The police came to report my father's death but could not tell me as I was a minor. It took a while to get hold of my mother but I think I knew that what they had to tell us was bad. After that, there is a bit of a blur. My father was not driving the car, he was returning from a business trip and he was in the car with 3 other people, of whom only one survived. I try not to think of his final moments. But even though this happened almost 35 years ago, I still get sad thinking about it, even though I've spent a lot of time in therapy trying to let go. And while I have driven tens of thousands of kilometers since then, I don't enjoy driving, and I especially don't enjoy being in the passenger seat next to people who drive fast.
I'm so sorry for your loss, Liza. I often think about the night my mother died too. I think about her final moments, going to the hospital, learning the news.. all the inflection points in that horrifically traumatic night. My mother has been dead for more than 17 years, but I don't think I'll ever stop thinking about it. I can only imagine how difficult it must have been for you with your younger brother at home, scrambling to reach your mother and knowing that something was very, very wrong. I remember reading once that we don't 'get over' these kind of losses, but we learn to live alongside them. That's certainly been my experience.
Thank you for reaching out, Liza. It's nice to be in community with you! 💕
I'm so sorry that you had to experience this ❤️
I never learned to drive and have recently discovered I need to, in order to be the parent I'd like to be. I feel quite terrified of being in control of something so powerful, and have vowed to be such a slow and careful driver that I frustrate everyone [reckless] around me. I won't care.
I am also a slow and careful driver, Em, and am sure it frustrates other drivers. The only way I feel comfortable behind the wheel is to drive in a way that I feel like I could react if something unexpected were to happen. If that means I need to drive slowly and frustrate other drivers, that's OK with me. I really wish our world was built in a way that driving didn't feel mandatory. Ireland has reasonable transportation links in Dublin, but it's not feasible to rely on public transport outside the capital. And as you say, driving is often required to be the kind of parent you want to be. Deciding to be a mindful, careful driver feels like a great first step to make this scary but necessary thing a little less anxiety inducing.
Thank you for sharing this authentic description of loss and grief. I'm so sorry this happened to you and your siblings. Thinking of you today and sending love!❤️
Thank you Constance, I really appreciate that 🙏
Oh Clare, my heart aches for you. I am one of those who holds the anxiety awareness every time I step into a car that I am holding my life and the lives of those I care for in my hands (partly because I drive only occasionally, and partly because I had a car accident a decade ago that could have gone much worse), but I can only imagine how that fear must be magnified by the loss you’ve experienced. Sending you so much love on this difficult day.
Thank you Rachel 🙏
Big hugs for today Clare!
Thank you my friend 🙏
This is so heartbreaking, Clare. I’m so sorry too. Thank you for sharing your experience.
And thank you for this reminder to be absolutely present when we are in the driver’s seat. It is a huge responsibility.
Thank you Serena 🙏
I'm so sorry you had to experience the tragic loss of your mom. Sending you lots of mom hugs today. <3
Thank you Katrina 🙏
I am sorry for your loss, Clare. I lost my father in a car accident a week before my 16th birthday (which was also a few days before Christmas). My mother was at a work pre-Xmas party and I was home alone with my 7 year old brother, who was already asleep. The police came to report my father's death but could not tell me as I was a minor. It took a while to get hold of my mother but I think I knew that what they had to tell us was bad. After that, there is a bit of a blur. My father was not driving the car, he was returning from a business trip and he was in the car with 3 other people, of whom only one survived. I try not to think of his final moments. But even though this happened almost 35 years ago, I still get sad thinking about it, even though I've spent a lot of time in therapy trying to let go. And while I have driven tens of thousands of kilometers since then, I don't enjoy driving, and I especially don't enjoy being in the passenger seat next to people who drive fast.
I'm so sorry for your loss, Liza. I often think about the night my mother died too. I think about her final moments, going to the hospital, learning the news.. all the inflection points in that horrifically traumatic night. My mother has been dead for more than 17 years, but I don't think I'll ever stop thinking about it. I can only imagine how difficult it must have been for you with your younger brother at home, scrambling to reach your mother and knowing that something was very, very wrong. I remember reading once that we don't 'get over' these kind of losses, but we learn to live alongside them. That's certainly been my experience.
Thank you for reaching out, Liza. It's nice to be in community with you! 💕