🤯 Things I can't stop thinking about

(snippets from the 'how to live' file on my computer)

Eight years ago, I quit my former career as a non-profit Communications Manager and decided to make my recovery my number one priority. By that point, I’d spent years trying to come to terms with the sexual abuse I experienced as a child and the sudden death of my mother in a car accident when I was 19. I’d recently been diagnosed with Complex-PTSD and was really struggling to manage my life. 

I’ve recovered a lot since then. I made some big changes in my life: Quitting my job. Coming out. Moving house. But the small things I did (like getting a slow cooker and learning to rest) were some of the most impactful. Many of those ideas came from a computer document labeled ‘How to live’. I drop all the little snippets of life advice I stumble upon in there. It’s a rich document that begins with the importance of making the invisible visible and Helen Mirren’s advice that young women should say “fuck off” more and concludes with this nugget of relationship advice from Cup of Jo: “Do whatever will cause the least amount of resentment between the two of you.”

I’m always adding to it, always searching for tidbits of wisdom that might make my life better. Whether it’s a reframe of something I always thought I understood or a one-liner about what really matters in life, I like to think the ‘how to live’ document lives up to its name. 

I thought it’d be fun to share a handful of the things that have been knocking around my head for the last few months years. I hope you’ll find something meaningful here. 

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Laziness doesn’t exist, KC Davis in conversation with

Chris Guillebeau

“There is almost always a legitimate barrier like pain, fatigue, executive dysfunction, overwhelm, burn out, lack of support, differing values, mental health issues, etc. Sometimes the issue is that someone is exploiting the labor of another—as in the case of unequal household labor. But even in that case the issue isn’t laziness but entitlement.”

“Laughter might be more helpful than a self-help book a lot of the time.” -

Lisa Olivera

Searched my photos for “laughter”. Found this

Think of your house like a machine,

Rebecca | Your House Machine

in conversation with

Anne Helen Petersen

“The truth is, the purpose of your home is NOT to showcase yourself to the world. The purpose is to shape how you want to feel. How your house should look and function is whatever works best for you.”

Drop the hot potato,

Constance Ford

via Cup of Jo.

“If someone in an unregulated emotional state tosses some painful words in your direction, don’t toss them back. In my mind, the potato advice is not suggesting we be doormats, but that we take the time to reflect on what that hot potato tosser may be going through and find a way to listen and respond, rather than just reacting.”

“Suffering breaks our hearts, but the heart can break in two different ways”, Parker Palmer quoted by

Courtney Martin

“There’s the brittle heart that breaks into shards, shattering the one who suffers as it explodes, and sometimes taking others down when it's thrown like a grenade at the ostensible source of its pain. Then there's the supple heart, the one that breaks open, not apart, the one that can grow into greater capacity for the many forms of love. Only the supple heart can hold suffering in a way that opens to new life.”

“Aiming to be useful rather than impressive will always make a better impression” -

Ayesha A. Siddiqi

Snapshot from a recent beach walk

Solvitur ambulando, mentionned by

Jenny Rosenstrach

“I’d like to remind you of the Latin phrase ‘solvitur ambulando’, which translates to “It is solved by walking” and which I subscribe to as almost a religion, even when it’s freezing outside. (Especially when it’s freezing outside.) It’s just the truth: Rarely do you return from a walk feeling worse about things.”

Investment without attachment,

Jeannine Ouellette

“This is the guiding principle of my artistic life. I call it ‘investment without attachment,’ which means, we do the work consistently and well, tirelessly, doggedly. And we focus on that—the work, and the quality of the work, because that’s what we can control—not the outcome of the work.”

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50 things I've learned this year

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