Holy Clare - this was profoundly moving for me to read. I am just starting to start writing fiction after 10 years of completely denying myself the experience (it was not practical in my mind) and I am finding the same experience you are highlighting here. It is truly changing my life. I am so thankful you published this today of all days as I've been thinking about this constantly the past few days and I'm like ahhh yes!! I am not alone!! For something so niche!! Haha. I even just wrote/ published a piece about writing about trauma and which tense we choose and how different it is in memoir and then in fiction. Anyway, you're amazing and one of my favourite writers on substack, I am always happy when I see a new post of yours. Particularly, I love this quote from this piece: "After so many years of processing my pain in private, feeling isolated and almost otherworldly because of the depth of my sorrow, it was a revelation to feel that nothing was unsayable." OTHERWORLDLY BECAUSE OF THE DEPTH OF MY SORROW - god that is a feeling I have felt that I've never been able to articulate perfectly like this - thank you. I can't wait to read your fiction one day. :)
Gah, thank you Emily. I saw you'd published a piece on trauma which I've saved to read later as a little post-work treat. I am so glad that this piece resonated with you, and that you are allowing yourself to explore fiction again. I also had some "not practical" thoughts when I started but creativity is very rarely practical. I hope you will share what you're experiencing as you embark on this fiction practice. I would love to follow along. All my best, Clare x
What an absolutely beautiful piece of writing *this* is. I was especially moved by "Writing the novel brought movement to my stagnant pain". I am so glad and so interested to hear of how healing this experience was for you.
I've been thinking about using fiction as a vehicle as well. Reading your experience makes me want to give it a try! Good luck with the editing phase! Finishing a whole 1st draft must have monumental!
Highly recommend it Unha. It wasn't always easy but it was life-changing. What made it possible for me was giving myself lots of space to go at a pace that worked for me. Wishing you the very best of luck with it 🙏
Clare, what you wrote here - "Writing the novel brought movement to my stagnant pain" - pierced my heart deeply. I haven't written fiction since I first toyed with it as a child. Yet there is searing truth to how healing emerges through creative work of all sorts.
Your essay today encourages me. While I didn't write specifically about trauma in my memoir, I am showing the reader what it was like for me to go through the darkest part of my life by writing in first person present.
I've had an editor reprimand me for this. But what you shared here, about the movement to pain, brought clarity to the work I am doing in telling my story.
I do believe I need enough distance from it (it's been 4 years) but not too much, since I need to clearly recall formative events and key memory pieces.
Thank you for reminding all of us to bring life into what may have nearly destroyed us.
I'm so glad, Jeannie. Creative work has the power to heal us in all kinds of different ways, and it's a thrilling (& sometimes scary) experience to go towards it. I love how you describe it as "bringing life into what may have nearly destroyed us".
I've subscribed to your newsletter and am looking forward to following along as you write your memoir.
I can’t wait to read your novel! I’m sure it’s amazingly written like your Substack💖 I love how it was a healing process while you wrote it! I’m also working on a novel but I’m far from finishing the first draft and it’s a similar experience to yours in terms of as I cloak some parts of me in my protagonist who faces similar adversities as I did, just in a fictionalised setting, gives me space to reflect, to heal and eventually, hopefully, to move on
Happy writing, Mazsi. I hope it's going OK! There are definete drawbacks to incorporating personal experiences into fiction but ultimately, it was a very healing experience for me. I wish you lots of luck as you embark on this project! 🙏
So interesting to read a bit about your novel Clare. I feel the similar about mine which is in a similar state. Unpublished and sat around for a few years but I would love for it to live in the wild. I also processed a lot of 'awful things which happened to me which I could only talk about in therapy' while writing it - although I wrote about characters which seem to be wildly different from me and in many ways they are - my experience is layered in there. It is also the thing I most which I have created and I am so proud of myself for having written it.
You should be proud, Catriona. It's a huge achievement. I hope I'll get to read your book one day.
The expanse of fiction can hold so much life within it and I love that fragments of the author's psyche are captured through the pages, even if the characters/settings/plot doesn't appear to correlate with what you know of the author's real life. The fact that there are snippets of the author inside every book is part of the joy of reading, I think. Anyway, best of luck with the revisions! It's not easy, but we've got this! :)
Oh, oh, oh. My heart breaks for your story ❤️ and I can hear that lonely sort of tenacity and the vulnerable variety of strength in crying "oceans of tears" through the writing.
For what it may be worth, I very much hope I get to read your book someday - if that feels right to you 😊
And this - "tried to capture the scale of her losses." I love that. I think the feeling of not wanting to subject a fictional character to those experiences has such a heaping dose of compassion within it ❤️
Thank you so much Po, that's very kind. I love what you say about the "lonely sort of tenacity" - that feels very true. It's a thrill, also, to be revising the book in a very different chapter of my life. I'm happily partnered and much healthier (mentally and physically) than when I wrote the first draft. It's part of what makes it possible to go back into the novel and work to get it ready to be read!
Thank you again for the encouragement. I hope you'll get to read the book one day too! ❤️
Thank you for the generous mention, Clare. Also for this beautiful, powerful share. My heart fills hearing how you wrote your story in the way you needed to write it...and how it opened access, allowed movement, moved through.
I absolutely loved reading this and agree with the others who have commented that this in itself is a brilliant piece of writing. There were so many powerful revelations, written beautifully. Thank you for sharing this, Clare. I am excited to keep reading more about your writing/editing process as you return to the novel again. I'll be starting my own big editing process soon on my memoir and it's comforting knowing someone else will be wading through the same process!
Thank you Emily. I wish you lots of luck as you begin editing your memoir. Are you adopting any particular approach with it? I read Matt Bell's book (Refuse To Be Done) which I found useful, but it is geared more towards fiction than non-fiction. Mary Karr's The Art of Memoir has to be the gold standard on personal writing though. What a book! Anyway, I wish you lots of luck and hope to read more about how it all goes 🙏
I love the Art of Memoir and you mentioning it inspired me to re-read it as I think about my editing. So far I have no particular approach, though it does sound nice to have a plan before diving headlong into the abyss of the manuscript document, ha. I wish you lots of luck with yours too!!
Holy Clare - this was profoundly moving for me to read. I am just starting to start writing fiction after 10 years of completely denying myself the experience (it was not practical in my mind) and I am finding the same experience you are highlighting here. It is truly changing my life. I am so thankful you published this today of all days as I've been thinking about this constantly the past few days and I'm like ahhh yes!! I am not alone!! For something so niche!! Haha. I even just wrote/ published a piece about writing about trauma and which tense we choose and how different it is in memoir and then in fiction. Anyway, you're amazing and one of my favourite writers on substack, I am always happy when I see a new post of yours. Particularly, I love this quote from this piece: "After so many years of processing my pain in private, feeling isolated and almost otherworldly because of the depth of my sorrow, it was a revelation to feel that nothing was unsayable." OTHERWORLDLY BECAUSE OF THE DEPTH OF MY SORROW - god that is a feeling I have felt that I've never been able to articulate perfectly like this - thank you. I can't wait to read your fiction one day. :)
Gah, thank you Emily. I saw you'd published a piece on trauma which I've saved to read later as a little post-work treat. I am so glad that this piece resonated with you, and that you are allowing yourself to explore fiction again. I also had some "not practical" thoughts when I started but creativity is very rarely practical. I hope you will share what you're experiencing as you embark on this fiction practice. I would love to follow along. All my best, Clare x
Awesome - can't wait to know your thoughts. Have a great work day!
What an absolutely beautiful piece of writing *this* is. I was especially moved by "Writing the novel brought movement to my stagnant pain". I am so glad and so interested to hear of how healing this experience was for you.
Thank you Em 🙏
I've been thinking about using fiction as a vehicle as well. Reading your experience makes me want to give it a try! Good luck with the editing phase! Finishing a whole 1st draft must have monumental!
Highly recommend it Unha. It wasn't always easy but it was life-changing. What made it possible for me was giving myself lots of space to go at a pace that worked for me. Wishing you the very best of luck with it 🙏
Clare, what you wrote here - "Writing the novel brought movement to my stagnant pain" - pierced my heart deeply. I haven't written fiction since I first toyed with it as a child. Yet there is searing truth to how healing emerges through creative work of all sorts.
Your essay today encourages me. While I didn't write specifically about trauma in my memoir, I am showing the reader what it was like for me to go through the darkest part of my life by writing in first person present.
I've had an editor reprimand me for this. But what you shared here, about the movement to pain, brought clarity to the work I am doing in telling my story.
I do believe I need enough distance from it (it's been 4 years) but not too much, since I need to clearly recall formative events and key memory pieces.
Thank you for reminding all of us to bring life into what may have nearly destroyed us.
I'm so glad, Jeannie. Creative work has the power to heal us in all kinds of different ways, and it's a thrilling (& sometimes scary) experience to go towards it. I love how you describe it as "bringing life into what may have nearly destroyed us".
I've subscribed to your newsletter and am looking forward to following along as you write your memoir.
Grateful we can be on this journey together, Clare.
FWIW I find first person present such a POWERFUL way to connect with the experiences of the person I'm reading.
I'm grateful to hear that, Em!
So excited by the possibility of your novel existing in the world! Good luck with the redrafting!
Thank you Aisling. I hope you get to read it someday 🤞🏻
I can’t wait to read your novel! I’m sure it’s amazingly written like your Substack💖 I love how it was a healing process while you wrote it! I’m also working on a novel but I’m far from finishing the first draft and it’s a similar experience to yours in terms of as I cloak some parts of me in my protagonist who faces similar adversities as I did, just in a fictionalised setting, gives me space to reflect, to heal and eventually, hopefully, to move on
Happy writing, Mazsi. I hope it's going OK! There are definete drawbacks to incorporating personal experiences into fiction but ultimately, it was a very healing experience for me. I wish you lots of luck as you embark on this project! 🙏
Thank you🩷
So interesting to read a bit about your novel Clare. I feel the similar about mine which is in a similar state. Unpublished and sat around for a few years but I would love for it to live in the wild. I also processed a lot of 'awful things which happened to me which I could only talk about in therapy' while writing it - although I wrote about characters which seem to be wildly different from me and in many ways they are - my experience is layered in there. It is also the thing I most which I have created and I am so proud of myself for having written it.
You should be proud, Catriona. It's a huge achievement. I hope I'll get to read your book one day.
The expanse of fiction can hold so much life within it and I love that fragments of the author's psyche are captured through the pages, even if the characters/settings/plot doesn't appear to correlate with what you know of the author's real life. The fact that there are snippets of the author inside every book is part of the joy of reading, I think. Anyway, best of luck with the revisions! It's not easy, but we've got this! :)
Oh, oh, oh. My heart breaks for your story ❤️ and I can hear that lonely sort of tenacity and the vulnerable variety of strength in crying "oceans of tears" through the writing.
For what it may be worth, I very much hope I get to read your book someday - if that feels right to you 😊
And this - "tried to capture the scale of her losses." I love that. I think the feeling of not wanting to subject a fictional character to those experiences has such a heaping dose of compassion within it ❤️
Thank you so much Po, that's very kind. I love what you say about the "lonely sort of tenacity" - that feels very true. It's a thrill, also, to be revising the book in a very different chapter of my life. I'm happily partnered and much healthier (mentally and physically) than when I wrote the first draft. It's part of what makes it possible to go back into the novel and work to get it ready to be read!
Thank you again for the encouragement. I hope you'll get to read the book one day too! ❤️
That makes me so happy for you to hear. Yes!! <3 Thanks for taking the time to respond, Clare (appreciate the sub too - hope you enjoy!).
My pleasure! I'm excited to read more :)
Thank you for the generous mention, Clare. Also for this beautiful, powerful share. My heart fills hearing how you wrote your story in the way you needed to write it...and how it opened access, allowed movement, moved through.
Thank you Dana. Thanks also for your beautiful piece on the role writing has played in your life. It really made me think 🙏
I absolutely loved reading this and agree with the others who have commented that this in itself is a brilliant piece of writing. There were so many powerful revelations, written beautifully. Thank you for sharing this, Clare. I am excited to keep reading more about your writing/editing process as you return to the novel again. I'll be starting my own big editing process soon on my memoir and it's comforting knowing someone else will be wading through the same process!
Thank you Emily. I wish you lots of luck as you begin editing your memoir. Are you adopting any particular approach with it? I read Matt Bell's book (Refuse To Be Done) which I found useful, but it is geared more towards fiction than non-fiction. Mary Karr's The Art of Memoir has to be the gold standard on personal writing though. What a book! Anyway, I wish you lots of luck and hope to read more about how it all goes 🙏
I love the Art of Memoir and you mentioning it inspired me to re-read it as I think about my editing. So far I have no particular approach, though it does sound nice to have a plan before diving headlong into the abyss of the manuscript document, ha. I wish you lots of luck with yours too!!