This is, quite possibly, one of my favorite essays of yours to date. It is provocative, real, gritty, and deep. You write of grief's mystery so well here. I say so, because I used to write about the spirituality of grief when I was a "branded" Catholic spirituality writer about ten years ago. I spoke with hundreds of bereaved people all over the U.S. I learned from them. I learned from my own grief, too--that grief is never far from us, no matter how "happy" we appear to others; that you don't "get over it," whatever that means, anyway; that the bursts of emotion can gut you out of nowhere; that once grief enters your life, it never leaves you.
Suffering changes people. Loss can deepen our compassion, the lens through which we view the world, ourselves, the spiritual realm.
Mostly, grief is our teacher. And I think you showcased that so well here today. Sending you love from the U.S. as you remember your mom today, Clare.
Thank you Jeannie, this is incredibly kind. I'm so glad the essay resonated with you. I totally agree that grief is never far from us. Regardless of what's happening in my life, there's always an echo of Mam's loss within it. Once I accepted that fact, life got a lot easier. 💕
Thanks for sharing Clare! I'm heading towards my Mum's 16th anniversary this September and I firmly believe there is no "getting over it" you just learn to live in that space, and the size and shape of that space in your life can change over time. Big hugs xx
A lot of people are really very uncomfortable with grief - it is such a wild, unpredictable animal. Not acknowledging it turns it into a beast. We don't need that, from time to time, we can tame the fucker - if only for a little while. Thank you for sharing with us.
Sending love, Clare! I'm glad you wrote about the "thin places" -- it can be such a taboo topic, l know, but my experience is that the dead are still very much with us. Although it doesn't do away with the waves of grief that can still come after many years, l found my mediumship experiences healing. Thank you for writing so honestly.
Thank you Constance. I really appreciate your kind words 💕 I just tried to write something meaningful about 'what happens after death' and my Friday brain can't handle it. In my view, there's definitely something though I am struggling to articulate it. I'm glad your mediumship experiences have been useful for you too.
This has brought up a lot in me, and I notice I’m also struggling to find the words whilst processing some of what’s arrived at my door as I write this. I wonder how you feel now after writing this and sharing it here? ❤️
Curiously, most of what’s here for me right now is about my dad, who passed when I was 17, although my mum also passed away when I was 28. Sometimes I miss the chance that comes from someone being alive, to know I can call them up and chat, and hear their voice, and that I’ll never have that opportunity. No matter how much I want it or scream into the void.
Grief and anniversaries are hard days, and I really relate to what you said about those moments being thin places in our memories. I had an anniversary of someone’s death in June, and it felt like I was right there, watching them go. Though that was 12 years ago, it felt like there was an open door between me and then, and that no time had past at all.
Thank you so much Sandi. 💕 I'm so glad the idea of 'thin places' resonated. As I wrote, I wondering if it was going to sound very strange to people, but it felt so true to me. I always get a little shiver of doubt after something I care about is published, but getting such a warm reception helps soothe those nerves.
Thanks also for flagging the broken link! I'll fix it now :)
I would heart this reply too, but Substack doesn’t seem to let me do this anymore on any device. It’s so frustrating! I worry people won’t think I’ve seen their responses 🤣
It’s so touching to hear about your little shiver of doubt, and that the warm reception soothes the nerves. I’m currently inching my way closer to writing here, and that’s encouraging to hear. I guess you kind of just have to go for it eventually, and the “catching” happens in the responses after you take the leap. After you ‘trust fall’ into where your intuition is guiding you too.
I loved the thin places metaphor! Anything remotely Celtic or witchy or magical for me is < 3
I usually consider it a trauma response, to be “right back there” or to have that ‘open door’ to that point in time in myself, and I notice the subtle meanings a label like that can hold, even if it’s likely true at least sometimes! I like the poeticness of considering it a liminal space though, that we have those within us, or perhaps that capacity. That we’re bridges ourselves between past and present.
This is beautifully put, Sandi. I'm struck by the nuances in the idea of 'thin places' too. Sometimes, it's nice to be back in the past and other times, it's incredibly jarring and upsetting. It depends on the specificity of each individual moment, I suppose.
Best of luck with your writing. It took me many years to inch toward sharing more of my work. It has gotten easier over time but there are definitely moments when I want to hide under the covers! Take all the time you need, and I'll be ready to read whenever you're ready to publish. 💕
I still have my mum, but I lost a partner almost 15 years ago, so I relate with some of what you describe Claire. Anniversaries are hard days. Blessings to you ♥️
Hi Clare,
This is, quite possibly, one of my favorite essays of yours to date. It is provocative, real, gritty, and deep. You write of grief's mystery so well here. I say so, because I used to write about the spirituality of grief when I was a "branded" Catholic spirituality writer about ten years ago. I spoke with hundreds of bereaved people all over the U.S. I learned from them. I learned from my own grief, too--that grief is never far from us, no matter how "happy" we appear to others; that you don't "get over it," whatever that means, anyway; that the bursts of emotion can gut you out of nowhere; that once grief enters your life, it never leaves you.
Suffering changes people. Loss can deepen our compassion, the lens through which we view the world, ourselves, the spiritual realm.
Mostly, grief is our teacher. And I think you showcased that so well here today. Sending you love from the U.S. as you remember your mom today, Clare.
Thank you Jeannie, this is incredibly kind. I'm so glad the essay resonated with you. I totally agree that grief is never far from us. Regardless of what's happening in my life, there's always an echo of Mam's loss within it. Once I accepted that fact, life got a lot easier. 💕
Thanks for sharing Clare! I'm heading towards my Mum's 16th anniversary this September and I firmly believe there is no "getting over it" you just learn to live in that space, and the size and shape of that space in your life can change over time. Big hugs xx
Thanks you my friend. I am sorry for your loss too. And yes, there is no "getting over it". There is only learning to live alongside it. 💕
A lot of people are really very uncomfortable with grief - it is such a wild, unpredictable animal. Not acknowledging it turns it into a beast. We don't need that, from time to time, we can tame the fucker - if only for a little while. Thank you for sharing with us.
Thanks Albe. You're so right - grief is a wild animal. Most days, I cope well. But some days, the fucker gets me. Thank you for being here 💕
I am very sorry that you lost your mum so young. It’s not fair, and even after 17 years, it’s a lot to bear 💔
Thank you Alicia. I so appreciate your kind words 💕
Sending love, Clare! I'm glad you wrote about the "thin places" -- it can be such a taboo topic, l know, but my experience is that the dead are still very much with us. Although it doesn't do away with the waves of grief that can still come after many years, l found my mediumship experiences healing. Thank you for writing so honestly.
Thank you Constance. I really appreciate your kind words 💕 I just tried to write something meaningful about 'what happens after death' and my Friday brain can't handle it. In my view, there's definitely something though I am struggling to articulate it. I'm glad your mediumship experiences have been useful for you too.
This has brought up a lot in me, and I notice I’m also struggling to find the words whilst processing some of what’s arrived at my door as I write this. I wonder how you feel now after writing this and sharing it here? ❤️
Curiously, most of what’s here for me right now is about my dad, who passed when I was 17, although my mum also passed away when I was 28. Sometimes I miss the chance that comes from someone being alive, to know I can call them up and chat, and hear their voice, and that I’ll never have that opportunity. No matter how much I want it or scream into the void.
Grief and anniversaries are hard days, and I really relate to what you said about those moments being thin places in our memories. I had an anniversary of someone’s death in June, and it felt like I was right there, watching them go. Though that was 12 years ago, it felt like there was an open door between me and then, and that no time had past at all.
Much love to you, Clare!
P.S. The first link didn’t work for me, but I found the article on Google: https://www.thesunmagazine.org/articles/21716-the-love-of-my-life
Thank you so much Sandi. 💕 I'm so glad the idea of 'thin places' resonated. As I wrote, I wondering if it was going to sound very strange to people, but it felt so true to me. I always get a little shiver of doubt after something I care about is published, but getting such a warm reception helps soothe those nerves.
Thanks also for flagging the broken link! I'll fix it now :)
Hah, you’re welcome! :)
I would heart this reply too, but Substack doesn’t seem to let me do this anymore on any device. It’s so frustrating! I worry people won’t think I’ve seen their responses 🤣
It’s so touching to hear about your little shiver of doubt, and that the warm reception soothes the nerves. I’m currently inching my way closer to writing here, and that’s encouraging to hear. I guess you kind of just have to go for it eventually, and the “catching” happens in the responses after you take the leap. After you ‘trust fall’ into where your intuition is guiding you too.
I loved the thin places metaphor! Anything remotely Celtic or witchy or magical for me is < 3
I usually consider it a trauma response, to be “right back there” or to have that ‘open door’ to that point in time in myself, and I notice the subtle meanings a label like that can hold, even if it’s likely true at least sometimes! I like the poeticness of considering it a liminal space though, that we have those within us, or perhaps that capacity. That we’re bridges ourselves between past and present.
This is beautifully put, Sandi. I'm struck by the nuances in the idea of 'thin places' too. Sometimes, it's nice to be back in the past and other times, it's incredibly jarring and upsetting. It depends on the specificity of each individual moment, I suppose.
Best of luck with your writing. It took me many years to inch toward sharing more of my work. It has gotten easier over time but there are definitely moments when I want to hide under the covers! Take all the time you need, and I'll be ready to read whenever you're ready to publish. 💕
❤️🩹
Thank you Leslie 💕
I still have my mum, but I lost a partner almost 15 years ago, so I relate with some of what you describe Claire. Anniversaries are hard days. Blessings to you ♥️
Think you Linn 💕 Anniversaries are indeed very hard.