Clare, this post moves me incredibly. I have long felt those of us with developmental trauma cannot compare ourselves to our peers who do not have developmental trauma. But even though I have said that so many times and believed it every time, recently as I am brought down by a severe autistic burn out and chronic illness issues that are weaved into my trauma and because of my trauma, I have forgotten this over and over and over again, and have felt a lot like, "why is everyone okay but me?" And then I remember, and remember, and remember. Right, my body is the witness to everything I have lived - it is literally telling the story of what it's been through. Thank you for writing. <3
Ooh this resonates, thank you Emily. The body always knows. I wish you lots of rest in this season of burnout and illness. Please take extra good care of yourself. 🙏
Thank you Em. You have no idea how often I think of you as one of my most committed readers, especially when editors are ghosting on my ideas. I am so grateful you're here. 🙏
Oh, wow. I just read this and I'm so glad you shared this. I relate to seeing those updates and the sadness and frustration surrounding feeling sometimes behind as well - I'm almost 34 now and have had to take multiple breaks over the years due to familial and personal goings ons (as well as the interaction I've encountered between poor work environments and trauma as well). When I was younger I did not understand how much earlier events shaped so many behaviors of mine that made many environments ultimately become intolerable or I worked in unsustainable ways (I left a high pressured research lab environment that I was so "lucky" to even get into based on a rec post-college, as well a research-based Ph.D. program later on in my early to mid 20s). I had to divest from academia entirely at that age and do very low-level work for awhile to find safety again - I burnt myself out even in college to keep my mind busy. I was lucky to have found some safe nooks every once and awhile.
I hope you can take the time you need to find your safety in various ways (it sounds like you have in some ways already!) and know there are so many of us out here working on the same. I feel like it's only gotten slowly better over the last five or so years for myself as I've moved into my 30s. I've also found more safe support both in people I can trust (and a very good therapist). As I've felt safer and worked on staying and letting some of the storms pass in my late 20s I've been able to open up more. I've been able to let go of some of the comparing more often now; I see my path is very different and while I am sad about it I also feel a growing sense of pride in myself.
The Artists Way and some of Cameron's other books have been a treasure for me to read and practice as well :) Thank you for writing.
Thank you, Po. Thank you for sharing your experiences with this, and I'm sorry that they've been so challenging.
Here's to finding safe nooks wherever we can, and for the support of therapy and having good people in your life. I too am proud of myself (especially my past self) for finding my way through those experiences and for coming out the other side 💕
My mom always wanted to travel through Europe and never had the chance. She, too, died before she reached her dreams. I think about that a lot. I have so much yet to do. And I believe you'll get that book out there when you're good and ready. <3
Thank you Katrina. Glad I’m not the only one to be haunted by a mother’s lost dreams. Maybe ‘haunted’ isn’t the right word for you, but there have been times that they’ve looked over me like a ghost would. Thanks for the encouragement on the book too! When the time is right, I hope it will get to live in the world!
Clare, I have recently discovered your substack and am slowly working my way through your words. This piece really spoke to me. I work at my own pace too having spent more than a decade recovering from religious abuse and the things I value are the freedom to work with my own rhythms, lots of time in nature, good food and my people. I look forward to reading more of your writing. Thank you for creating a space of safety here x
Clare, this post moves me incredibly. I have long felt those of us with developmental trauma cannot compare ourselves to our peers who do not have developmental trauma. But even though I have said that so many times and believed it every time, recently as I am brought down by a severe autistic burn out and chronic illness issues that are weaved into my trauma and because of my trauma, I have forgotten this over and over and over again, and have felt a lot like, "why is everyone okay but me?" And then I remember, and remember, and remember. Right, my body is the witness to everything I have lived - it is literally telling the story of what it's been through. Thank you for writing. <3
Ooh this resonates, thank you Emily. The body always knows. I wish you lots of rest in this season of burnout and illness. Please take extra good care of yourself. 🙏
So true. I’m on a similar journey and I also realized there is a no short cut! True healing takes time and real work.
It certainly does, Unha. I’m happy to have found your substack so I can read more of your important work! Thank you for being here 🙏
This was really beautiful, and also a helpful reminder. Thank you.
FWIW I'd love to read any memoir or novel you've written. You're one of my favourite writers, so I'm certain I'd love it! xo
Thank you Em. You have no idea how often I think of you as one of my most committed readers, especially when editors are ghosting on my ideas. I am so grateful you're here. 🙏
this meant so much! Thank you for telling me. I am committed because your writing brings so much goodness to my life.
Oh, wow. I just read this and I'm so glad you shared this. I relate to seeing those updates and the sadness and frustration surrounding feeling sometimes behind as well - I'm almost 34 now and have had to take multiple breaks over the years due to familial and personal goings ons (as well as the interaction I've encountered between poor work environments and trauma as well). When I was younger I did not understand how much earlier events shaped so many behaviors of mine that made many environments ultimately become intolerable or I worked in unsustainable ways (I left a high pressured research lab environment that I was so "lucky" to even get into based on a rec post-college, as well a research-based Ph.D. program later on in my early to mid 20s). I had to divest from academia entirely at that age and do very low-level work for awhile to find safety again - I burnt myself out even in college to keep my mind busy. I was lucky to have found some safe nooks every once and awhile.
I hope you can take the time you need to find your safety in various ways (it sounds like you have in some ways already!) and know there are so many of us out here working on the same. I feel like it's only gotten slowly better over the last five or so years for myself as I've moved into my 30s. I've also found more safe support both in people I can trust (and a very good therapist). As I've felt safer and worked on staying and letting some of the storms pass in my late 20s I've been able to open up more. I've been able to let go of some of the comparing more often now; I see my path is very different and while I am sad about it I also feel a growing sense of pride in myself.
The Artists Way and some of Cameron's other books have been a treasure for me to read and practice as well :) Thank you for writing.
Thank you, Po. Thank you for sharing your experiences with this, and I'm sorry that they've been so challenging.
Here's to finding safe nooks wherever we can, and for the support of therapy and having good people in your life. I too am proud of myself (especially my past self) for finding my way through those experiences and for coming out the other side 💕
My mom always wanted to travel through Europe and never had the chance. She, too, died before she reached her dreams. I think about that a lot. I have so much yet to do. And I believe you'll get that book out there when you're good and ready. <3
Thank you Katrina. Glad I’m not the only one to be haunted by a mother’s lost dreams. Maybe ‘haunted’ isn’t the right word for you, but there have been times that they’ve looked over me like a ghost would. Thanks for the encouragement on the book too! When the time is right, I hope it will get to live in the world!
Clare, I have recently discovered your substack and am slowly working my way through your words. This piece really spoke to me. I work at my own pace too having spent more than a decade recovering from religious abuse and the things I value are the freedom to work with my own rhythms, lots of time in nature, good food and my people. I look forward to reading more of your writing. Thank you for creating a space of safety here x
Thank you Kelly. I'm so glad this piece resonated with you. It's one of my favourites 💕