I'm late to this, but wanted to share my experience of Week 5..
I’m grateful to have had a good week, and enjoyed the tasks I completed though (as usual), I didn’t get to everything.
During my Morning Pages, I asked myself what payoff I was getting from remaining stuck in my creativity. To be honest, I didn’t uncover anything groundbreaking. I circled the same themes - not having enough time to be creative, dealing with the negative voices inside my head, feeling lost in my work. It was helpful to tease it out, but I have the sense that there’s much deeper ground to explore here.
I found it quite emotional to make a list of the ways I’m mean to myself. It brought me close to tears to see all the ways I criticise, belittle and undermine myself, without really noticing that I’m doing it. In particular, I saw how often I ignore my artist child and expect her to thrive without giving her any nurturance or attention. It was one of the most useful tasks I’ve done throughout the whole process so far.
I also made a list of the things I’d like to own, but don’t. Surprisingly, the only thing on this list was a quiet space where I could be creative. I don’t want any more stuff, I just want time and space for deep creative play.
I just learned about The Artist's Way and this chat but I am excited to be part of it in the future. My last few months have been really difficult ever since I was admitted into a hospital with anorexia after starving myself for months. My illness has been very secretive, both before I told my parent's the truth about my eating behaviors, and now, because I'm hiding my reality from friends, teachers and extended family members. But last week, something changed. I became tired of the secrets and lies, but more so, I didn't want to hide my story anymore. I have been struggling for the past few weeks to release my emotions using a healthy mechanism, but a week ago, I created my own Substack calling "Swimming Through Molasses" to form a community to bond over life's hardships and to provide a place for me to write about my difficulties. Swimming through molasses is how I like to describe my current movement. It's slow and frustratingly sluggish, but each step I take, I'm one step closer to freedom. Journaling and writing has been my savior as a way to release my emotions, and I am excited to join this discussion and complete The Artist's Way next week!
I can recommend Susan T Mahler MD’s Substack to you which she has also recently started. I read one of her posts “Obsession” as my sister battled with the condition as a teenager. There are other blogs too. I’m blogging about psychosis specifically, but I’m interested in the similarities between some of the thinking processes that go on in severe mental illness. I’ll make a mental note to mention your blog if anyone mentions anorexia to me.
Welcome Eloise. I'm so happy you're here, and am looking forward to exploring more of your writing. "Swimming Through Molasses" is such a visceral title - I can really feel it in my bones.
I'm sorry to hear that your last few months have been difficult. Please take good care of yourself as you explore The Artist's Way. I think it's so important that we take care of our own wellbeing while exploring big questions of creativity and recovery. Writing is such an important part of minding my mental health, and my practice has been rooted in Morning Pages for a more than a decade now. I'm looking forward to hearing how you get on with them, Eloise. 💕
I'm late with week 5 and think I have had it a little like humpty dumpty and upside down. And apologies. It feels as if I've been managing fires. It's been heartening to hear other responses, and like others, there's been a slowing down effect for me and not necessarily the last few days. I don't know has it opened a new channel or channels of sorts, and I don't know if it's related or not but I've had almost alarming reactions to anything wishy-washy, which makes the possibles and maybes almost contradictory. A confusing week of things and not all of it worked out but am working at working it out and the morning pages and now night pages are a go-to. There is the sense lately of feeling bolstered by them, but sometimes alarmed too - it's been a bit overwhelming at times and am not sure always to speak any of it. I think the last week I did spend a bit more time exploring my relationship with source. And part of that did entail returning to imaginary lives, in an organic sense via the morning pages. I'd been running a riff on a lighting technician - I wanted to know what do they do with the shadows? With the dark? How do we learn what to keep lit, what to keep dark, is it chosen or does space dictate? Even the architecture, I imagine so many different forms. Of course there's so many kinds of lighting technicians - but to keep mine female, this funnelled things down a different track again. One of the things that seems to surface when I return to this imaginary lighting technician is just how gentle she is - even with the riff still running, there's some sense of composure I seem to garner all the time and I'm not sure yet how the imaginary lives are linked with source yet, but I'm happy to keep exploring this creature sprung from here. The virtue trap has been so challenging. And I think I'm still covering ground there, and practicing expressing needs, again, another challenge and a 1000 etcs. And so I think in a round-a-bout way, I looked forward to week 5 & sense of possibility only to find myself in the intensity of what has and hasn't been possible - I think it was the latter that had me having it out with my relationship with source. I don't know am I any the wiser. I feel more sun like and less of the shadows, literal and metaphorical, and I'm glad of that. A side note, I've had a Blue Tit at two of my windowboxes at the front of the house the last week or so, at first I shooed her literally to be gone - I thought she was trying to come in and we know what that means. But she flew to the other window. And then to the other, as if anticipating I'd follow. Mostly mornings I've seen her, widoow-box-hopping, but she was around yesterday afternoon after I'd put seed in the boxes - gifts for the gift. I didn't know until this last week that a Blue Tit can be a symbol of joy and transformation, and so - I've called her Joy, she could be Joy x mulitple Blue Tit's - but from the photos, she looks the same. OR so I'm telling myself. She's lovely and I'm happy she's here. Hoping all are doing well.
Sorry to hear you've been managing fires, Michelle. I hope you're able to take good care of yourself through it. I'm glad the Morning (or Night) pages are proving useful for you - I really think I'd be lost without mine.
" I feel more sun like and less of the shadows, literal and metaphorical, and I'm glad of that." I really loved this line. There's so much to explore in The Artist's Way - I think you could spend months on a single chapter, though we only have a week but it sounds like you're doing a lot of deep reflection right now, Michelle. I hope you're proud of yourself for that!
I loved hearing about the Blue Tits too. During covid, I lived alone and really relied on birds for company. I read Jenny Odell's How to do Nothing at the time too, and found echoes of my own experience in her communion with local birdlife. I hope Joy is doing well and continuing to visit with you. Keep us posted on her activities - just the thought of her flighty magnificence makes me smile! 💕
Hi Clare and community, Week 5 I continued to do morning pages which wasn't such a stretch since it has been a long-ingrained practice. I reach for my journal before morning coffee and that is saying something! An artist's date was a slow walk around my neighborhood. "Slow" being the key word as I recover my my low back injury. Slowing down makes you notice more, however, and is helping me cultivate deep attention, always a writer's best friend. I try to use all five senses and record some of it in my pages.
This sounds beautiful, Amy. Sometimes the best Artist Dates are the simple ones. Especially as we get deeper into this experience, I find myself returning to quiet nature walks again and again. I just find them so deeply restorative. I hope your back is continuing to heal, and that you are taking good care of yourself through it all 💕
It was a super busy week for me, so I am only getting my lengthy thoughts out now. I’m not sure I ever know how to be brief. I enjoyed week 5, even though this topic keeps coming back to haunt me, so I decided when I began the chapter I was going to lean in with genuine intention and gentle determination. I have a feeling I’m not done, but I’ve finally made progress.
I believe that I can do pretty much anything if I want it badly enough. That belief still leaves room for fear that I’m fooling myself (even though I have evidence to support my belief). A little voice often whispers, “but what if this is the time you’re wrong?” loudly enough, I press pause.
I’m aware I begin to set limits on myself, and when I do, I lose sight of the gifts Source is working on.
On the occasions I do get going, I tend to be more open. When I receive a gift beyond my imagination, I seldom send it back. At first, I did send some back because I felt unworthy or didn’t want to believe it could be this good, but soon, the times I did accept helped me attune to seeing and accepting more. For example, when I wanted to be a part of something creative and writing or publishing based, I received an email from Rachel Macy Stafford “out of the blue” asking for volunteers to be part of her Soul Shift Launch Team. I almost doubted, but I leapt, and my world changed in so many small ways that have made a huge difference, and I’ve gained a friend along the way. I wanted to buy a tablet to use for reading but wasn’t sure I wanted to spend the money or time. Would I use it? I arrived at work one day, and my boss said they were recycling some tablets, but if I wanted one, I could have it. Suits my needs perfectly.
Chapter 5 inspired me to vision board once more, but I couldn’t think of where to find any magazines that I could destroy, and I don’t find vision board apps satisfying. I had a desire, I set the intention of keeping myself open to receiving what I needed to vision board. I even thought about asking a teacher friend if they had any when we meet for a coffee date. Then, I went to work, and it turned out I had to reorganize an office space that day. In the process, I ended up opening a cabinet in the waiting room. What I discovered was the entire pile of magazines that had been thrown in there during the COVID reopening when we didn’t have anything that wasn’t necessary out. Here was a perfect selection of outdated magazines – perfect for vision boarding. That was only two days after I set the intention. The office reorganization was something we’d “get around to” for a year. It was interesting how the perfect day to do it was the day I wanted magazines. Coincidence? Luck? Synchronicity? Serendipity? Source? Whatever one chooses to lean toward, I get to vision board.
I think Presto! Moments are the culmination of little things coming together until it seems that suddenly, because of one last or unexpected component, you got to where you wanted to be or what you wanted to have.
I related to clinging to things better let go like Cara with her publisher. I stayed in a job for far too long, and when the opportunity to take a leave of absence I took it – and my life changed. I left my job, travelled, became a mother, an entrepreneur and began writing. Yet, I still find I often cling to things longer than is healthy.
I think “action” is the human part of the equation, and synchronicity and serendipity are the god part. When we put them together, we feel that magical thrill of perfect rightness in that moment of realization and acceptance.
As Cameron suggested, I began asking for answers in the evening and using morning pages to reflect if something came to me when I began writing before my mind could begin its favourite task of filtering, judging and questioning. Writing first thing allows unfiltered flow, which is different than if I write about the same things once my mind is fully awake and in gear for the day. And Cameron is correct that I see more clearly the ebb and flow of my thoughts and beliefs and how transitory they are.
I like the idea of changing No Way to Maybe and have leaned into this since my first time doing TAW. It’s liberating and not too scary. It’s just a maybe. It’s not a hell yes. But it might become one if I pause and let the possibilities unfold to reveal themselves. Maybe opens the door a crack. I can always close it or open it wider.
I love looking for silver linings because they lessen the sting of whatever it is that makes me need to find a silver lining. It’s what brings me hope, purpose, acceptance, motivation and inspiration. I choose not to (well, I try not to) react to things and experiences in life as binary. My goal is to tease out anything helpful that is hiding below the murky surface. Look hard enough, and it’s amazing what you can find.
Morning pages have helped stop the fermentation of thoughts and feelings into a bitter, putrid sludge and instead steeped a sweeter, palatable brew.
Thoughts that I noted this week from Cameron include:
“Withdrawal is necessary… we eventually become like cornered animals, snarling at our families.” I resonated with this. I felt guilty about this need forever, and now I’m fiercely protecting my need for withdrawing. It’s an act of self-respect and self-love. I return replenished.
The virtue trap replaces joy and satisfaction with “What’s the use?” Without an “upkeep of creative solitude…[it is] worse than out of sorts. Death threats are issued.” This may sound dramatic, but I found Cameron’s description very accurate. Failing to acknowledge and fulfill this need is harmful.
“Our life is now an out-of-body experience… A therapist might refer to it as disassociation. I call it leaving the scene of a crime.” In a conversation with a friend, they described this as ‘just being along for the ride.’ It was the biggest wake-up call for me at the time.
There were a lot of non—task tasks this week, and I found the work valuable. It was hard to acknowledge how much my life still serves others, yet heartening to realize that I’ve made a lot of progress all the same and I am finding more balance, joy and satisfaction while still being engaged. Balance takes practice.
Repetitive tasks like listing 5 imaginary lives help because repetition builds muscle to move away from no way to maybe. There’s an excitement of possibilities even if I never pursue them seriously. Possibility is a magical and powerful feeling to hold.
Surprisingly, the task I stumbled over the most was 10 items I’d like to own but don’t. There was way too much overthinking and self-talk going on. Maybe I should have used Morning Pages for that exercise.
I did use morning pages for 9 – Payoff for saying blocked and 10 – Person I blame. Long story short – 9) risk and comfort, 10) myself and one other – but truthfully, even though they installed some buttons they know exactly how to push – I realize I use this as an excuse. I recognize it’s certainly not a roadblock.
My artist date was to take my first walk through my labyrinth, which I thoroughly enjoyed even though it was overcast.
I am looking forward to week 6! Thank you, Clare and everyone else winding along this path. Gratitude. May we continue to walk at our own speed and arrive at our destination, glad for the undertaking.
Lovely to hear your updates, Jewel. Thanks for sharing them 💕 (& don't worry about being brief - I love a detailed update!)
I loved your examples of synchronicity. That concept doesn't always come easily to me, so I love to see the tangible ways it has impacted your life for the better. A pile of magazines for vision boarding sounds like such a treat too! I hoping to do my own this weekend too. There's something about the tactile experience of doing it with scissors and glue that really appeals to me.
Love the subtle shift from 'no way' to 'maybe'. It feels like such a gentle shift, but potentially a very powerful one too! I'm going to try it 🙃
"Morning pages have helped stop the fermentation of thoughts and feelings into a bitter, putrid sludge and instead steeped a sweeter, palatable brew" I love this line! That's exactly what Morning Pages feel like to me, except on the days when life is just too painful and it remains painful after I've done my pages though I can also see the contours of my agony more clearly.
I loved reading that you're finding space for both the ways your life serves others and the ways that you've made progress. It does seem as though this process has been a deepening for you, Jewel rather than a completely new departure? Does that feel right to you?
Thanks as always for your consistent presence here. I feel so fortunate to have you in this community 💕
This is lovely, Clare! A bit off topic perhaps but I really enjoy your approach to the whole process, just the right mix of discipline and flexibility. A tricky balance to strike, I’m left inspired.
I hear you about feeling emotional when looking at how mean we are to ourselves. And a quiet space where you won’t be disturbed is something I’d like too. Here’s to starting week 7
I'm late to this, but wanted to share my experience of Week 5..
I’m grateful to have had a good week, and enjoyed the tasks I completed though (as usual), I didn’t get to everything.
During my Morning Pages, I asked myself what payoff I was getting from remaining stuck in my creativity. To be honest, I didn’t uncover anything groundbreaking. I circled the same themes - not having enough time to be creative, dealing with the negative voices inside my head, feeling lost in my work. It was helpful to tease it out, but I have the sense that there’s much deeper ground to explore here.
I found it quite emotional to make a list of the ways I’m mean to myself. It brought me close to tears to see all the ways I criticise, belittle and undermine myself, without really noticing that I’m doing it. In particular, I saw how often I ignore my artist child and expect her to thrive without giving her any nurturance or attention. It was one of the most useful tasks I’ve done throughout the whole process so far.
I also made a list of the things I’d like to own, but don’t. Surprisingly, the only thing on this list was a quiet space where I could be creative. I don’t want any more stuff, I just want time and space for deep creative play.
I just learned about The Artist's Way and this chat but I am excited to be part of it in the future. My last few months have been really difficult ever since I was admitted into a hospital with anorexia after starving myself for months. My illness has been very secretive, both before I told my parent's the truth about my eating behaviors, and now, because I'm hiding my reality from friends, teachers and extended family members. But last week, something changed. I became tired of the secrets and lies, but more so, I didn't want to hide my story anymore. I have been struggling for the past few weeks to release my emotions using a healthy mechanism, but a week ago, I created my own Substack calling "Swimming Through Molasses" to form a community to bond over life's hardships and to provide a place for me to write about my difficulties. Swimming through molasses is how I like to describe my current movement. It's slow and frustratingly sluggish, but each step I take, I'm one step closer to freedom. Journaling and writing has been my savior as a way to release my emotions, and I am excited to join this discussion and complete The Artist's Way next week!
I can recommend Susan T Mahler MD’s Substack to you which she has also recently started. I read one of her posts “Obsession” as my sister battled with the condition as a teenager. There are other blogs too. I’m blogging about psychosis specifically, but I’m interested in the similarities between some of the thinking processes that go on in severe mental illness. I’ll make a mental note to mention your blog if anyone mentions anorexia to me.
Thanks for the recommendation Sarah. I'm going to check out Susan's newsletter too!
Swimming Through Molasses - so well described. Welcome, here's to finding the path, even when there are detours.
"here's to finding the path, even when there are detours." I really love that, Jewel! As always you capture so much in just a few words 💕
Welcome Eloise. I'm so happy you're here, and am looking forward to exploring more of your writing. "Swimming Through Molasses" is such a visceral title - I can really feel it in my bones.
I'm sorry to hear that your last few months have been difficult. Please take good care of yourself as you explore The Artist's Way. I think it's so important that we take care of our own wellbeing while exploring big questions of creativity and recovery. Writing is such an important part of minding my mental health, and my practice has been rooted in Morning Pages for a more than a decade now. I'm looking forward to hearing how you get on with them, Eloise. 💕
I'm late with week 5 and think I have had it a little like humpty dumpty and upside down. And apologies. It feels as if I've been managing fires. It's been heartening to hear other responses, and like others, there's been a slowing down effect for me and not necessarily the last few days. I don't know has it opened a new channel or channels of sorts, and I don't know if it's related or not but I've had almost alarming reactions to anything wishy-washy, which makes the possibles and maybes almost contradictory. A confusing week of things and not all of it worked out but am working at working it out and the morning pages and now night pages are a go-to. There is the sense lately of feeling bolstered by them, but sometimes alarmed too - it's been a bit overwhelming at times and am not sure always to speak any of it. I think the last week I did spend a bit more time exploring my relationship with source. And part of that did entail returning to imaginary lives, in an organic sense via the morning pages. I'd been running a riff on a lighting technician - I wanted to know what do they do with the shadows? With the dark? How do we learn what to keep lit, what to keep dark, is it chosen or does space dictate? Even the architecture, I imagine so many different forms. Of course there's so many kinds of lighting technicians - but to keep mine female, this funnelled things down a different track again. One of the things that seems to surface when I return to this imaginary lighting technician is just how gentle she is - even with the riff still running, there's some sense of composure I seem to garner all the time and I'm not sure yet how the imaginary lives are linked with source yet, but I'm happy to keep exploring this creature sprung from here. The virtue trap has been so challenging. And I think I'm still covering ground there, and practicing expressing needs, again, another challenge and a 1000 etcs. And so I think in a round-a-bout way, I looked forward to week 5 & sense of possibility only to find myself in the intensity of what has and hasn't been possible - I think it was the latter that had me having it out with my relationship with source. I don't know am I any the wiser. I feel more sun like and less of the shadows, literal and metaphorical, and I'm glad of that. A side note, I've had a Blue Tit at two of my windowboxes at the front of the house the last week or so, at first I shooed her literally to be gone - I thought she was trying to come in and we know what that means. But she flew to the other window. And then to the other, as if anticipating I'd follow. Mostly mornings I've seen her, widoow-box-hopping, but she was around yesterday afternoon after I'd put seed in the boxes - gifts for the gift. I didn't know until this last week that a Blue Tit can be a symbol of joy and transformation, and so - I've called her Joy, she could be Joy x mulitple Blue Tit's - but from the photos, she looks the same. OR so I'm telling myself. She's lovely and I'm happy she's here. Hoping all are doing well.
Sorry to hear you've been managing fires, Michelle. I hope you're able to take good care of yourself through it. I'm glad the Morning (or Night) pages are proving useful for you - I really think I'd be lost without mine.
" I feel more sun like and less of the shadows, literal and metaphorical, and I'm glad of that." I really loved this line. There's so much to explore in The Artist's Way - I think you could spend months on a single chapter, though we only have a week but it sounds like you're doing a lot of deep reflection right now, Michelle. I hope you're proud of yourself for that!
I loved hearing about the Blue Tits too. During covid, I lived alone and really relied on birds for company. I read Jenny Odell's How to do Nothing at the time too, and found echoes of my own experience in her communion with local birdlife. I hope Joy is doing well and continuing to visit with you. Keep us posted on her activities - just the thought of her flighty magnificence makes me smile! 💕
Hi Clare and community, Week 5 I continued to do morning pages which wasn't such a stretch since it has been a long-ingrained practice. I reach for my journal before morning coffee and that is saying something! An artist's date was a slow walk around my neighborhood. "Slow" being the key word as I recover my my low back injury. Slowing down makes you notice more, however, and is helping me cultivate deep attention, always a writer's best friend. I try to use all five senses and record some of it in my pages.
This sounds beautiful, Amy. Sometimes the best Artist Dates are the simple ones. Especially as we get deeper into this experience, I find myself returning to quiet nature walks again and again. I just find them so deeply restorative. I hope your back is continuing to heal, and that you are taking good care of yourself through it all 💕
It was a super busy week for me, so I am only getting my lengthy thoughts out now. I’m not sure I ever know how to be brief. I enjoyed week 5, even though this topic keeps coming back to haunt me, so I decided when I began the chapter I was going to lean in with genuine intention and gentle determination. I have a feeling I’m not done, but I’ve finally made progress.
I believe that I can do pretty much anything if I want it badly enough. That belief still leaves room for fear that I’m fooling myself (even though I have evidence to support my belief). A little voice often whispers, “but what if this is the time you’re wrong?” loudly enough, I press pause.
I’m aware I begin to set limits on myself, and when I do, I lose sight of the gifts Source is working on.
On the occasions I do get going, I tend to be more open. When I receive a gift beyond my imagination, I seldom send it back. At first, I did send some back because I felt unworthy or didn’t want to believe it could be this good, but soon, the times I did accept helped me attune to seeing and accepting more. For example, when I wanted to be a part of something creative and writing or publishing based, I received an email from Rachel Macy Stafford “out of the blue” asking for volunteers to be part of her Soul Shift Launch Team. I almost doubted, but I leapt, and my world changed in so many small ways that have made a huge difference, and I’ve gained a friend along the way. I wanted to buy a tablet to use for reading but wasn’t sure I wanted to spend the money or time. Would I use it? I arrived at work one day, and my boss said they were recycling some tablets, but if I wanted one, I could have it. Suits my needs perfectly.
Chapter 5 inspired me to vision board once more, but I couldn’t think of where to find any magazines that I could destroy, and I don’t find vision board apps satisfying. I had a desire, I set the intention of keeping myself open to receiving what I needed to vision board. I even thought about asking a teacher friend if they had any when we meet for a coffee date. Then, I went to work, and it turned out I had to reorganize an office space that day. In the process, I ended up opening a cabinet in the waiting room. What I discovered was the entire pile of magazines that had been thrown in there during the COVID reopening when we didn’t have anything that wasn’t necessary out. Here was a perfect selection of outdated magazines – perfect for vision boarding. That was only two days after I set the intention. The office reorganization was something we’d “get around to” for a year. It was interesting how the perfect day to do it was the day I wanted magazines. Coincidence? Luck? Synchronicity? Serendipity? Source? Whatever one chooses to lean toward, I get to vision board.
I think Presto! Moments are the culmination of little things coming together until it seems that suddenly, because of one last or unexpected component, you got to where you wanted to be or what you wanted to have.
I related to clinging to things better let go like Cara with her publisher. I stayed in a job for far too long, and when the opportunity to take a leave of absence I took it – and my life changed. I left my job, travelled, became a mother, an entrepreneur and began writing. Yet, I still find I often cling to things longer than is healthy.
I think “action” is the human part of the equation, and synchronicity and serendipity are the god part. When we put them together, we feel that magical thrill of perfect rightness in that moment of realization and acceptance.
As Cameron suggested, I began asking for answers in the evening and using morning pages to reflect if something came to me when I began writing before my mind could begin its favourite task of filtering, judging and questioning. Writing first thing allows unfiltered flow, which is different than if I write about the same things once my mind is fully awake and in gear for the day. And Cameron is correct that I see more clearly the ebb and flow of my thoughts and beliefs and how transitory they are.
I like the idea of changing No Way to Maybe and have leaned into this since my first time doing TAW. It’s liberating and not too scary. It’s just a maybe. It’s not a hell yes. But it might become one if I pause and let the possibilities unfold to reveal themselves. Maybe opens the door a crack. I can always close it or open it wider.
I love looking for silver linings because they lessen the sting of whatever it is that makes me need to find a silver lining. It’s what brings me hope, purpose, acceptance, motivation and inspiration. I choose not to (well, I try not to) react to things and experiences in life as binary. My goal is to tease out anything helpful that is hiding below the murky surface. Look hard enough, and it’s amazing what you can find.
Morning pages have helped stop the fermentation of thoughts and feelings into a bitter, putrid sludge and instead steeped a sweeter, palatable brew.
Thoughts that I noted this week from Cameron include:
“Withdrawal is necessary… we eventually become like cornered animals, snarling at our families.” I resonated with this. I felt guilty about this need forever, and now I’m fiercely protecting my need for withdrawing. It’s an act of self-respect and self-love. I return replenished.
The virtue trap replaces joy and satisfaction with “What’s the use?” Without an “upkeep of creative solitude…[it is] worse than out of sorts. Death threats are issued.” This may sound dramatic, but I found Cameron’s description very accurate. Failing to acknowledge and fulfill this need is harmful.
“Our life is now an out-of-body experience… A therapist might refer to it as disassociation. I call it leaving the scene of a crime.” In a conversation with a friend, they described this as ‘just being along for the ride.’ It was the biggest wake-up call for me at the time.
There were a lot of non—task tasks this week, and I found the work valuable. It was hard to acknowledge how much my life still serves others, yet heartening to realize that I’ve made a lot of progress all the same and I am finding more balance, joy and satisfaction while still being engaged. Balance takes practice.
Repetitive tasks like listing 5 imaginary lives help because repetition builds muscle to move away from no way to maybe. There’s an excitement of possibilities even if I never pursue them seriously. Possibility is a magical and powerful feeling to hold.
Surprisingly, the task I stumbled over the most was 10 items I’d like to own but don’t. There was way too much overthinking and self-talk going on. Maybe I should have used Morning Pages for that exercise.
I did use morning pages for 9 – Payoff for saying blocked and 10 – Person I blame. Long story short – 9) risk and comfort, 10) myself and one other – but truthfully, even though they installed some buttons they know exactly how to push – I realize I use this as an excuse. I recognize it’s certainly not a roadblock.
My artist date was to take my first walk through my labyrinth, which I thoroughly enjoyed even though it was overcast.
I am looking forward to week 6! Thank you, Clare and everyone else winding along this path. Gratitude. May we continue to walk at our own speed and arrive at our destination, glad for the undertaking.
Lovely to hear your updates, Jewel. Thanks for sharing them 💕 (& don't worry about being brief - I love a detailed update!)
I loved your examples of synchronicity. That concept doesn't always come easily to me, so I love to see the tangible ways it has impacted your life for the better. A pile of magazines for vision boarding sounds like such a treat too! I hoping to do my own this weekend too. There's something about the tactile experience of doing it with scissors and glue that really appeals to me.
Love your definition of a 'presto' moment. I was chatting about them with another reader, Rachel in the comments of another post and she talked about "collective accomplishments" which really spoke to me. (Here's a link if you'd like to read: https://clareegan.substack.com/p/the-artists-way-recovering-a-sense-4d2/comment/109976862)
Love the subtle shift from 'no way' to 'maybe'. It feels like such a gentle shift, but potentially a very powerful one too! I'm going to try it 🙃
"Morning pages have helped stop the fermentation of thoughts and feelings into a bitter, putrid sludge and instead steeped a sweeter, palatable brew" I love this line! That's exactly what Morning Pages feel like to me, except on the days when life is just too painful and it remains painful after I've done my pages though I can also see the contours of my agony more clearly.
I loved reading that you're finding space for both the ways your life serves others and the ways that you've made progress. It does seem as though this process has been a deepening for you, Jewel rather than a completely new departure? Does that feel right to you?
Thanks as always for your consistent presence here. I feel so fortunate to have you in this community 💕
Hello Clare! I would agree that this has been a deepening rather than something new.
What a gift that is! Thanks Jewel 💕
This is lovely, Clare! A bit off topic perhaps but I really enjoy your approach to the whole process, just the right mix of discipline and flexibility. A tricky balance to strike, I’m left inspired.
Thanks so much Adina. Really appreciate your encouragement 💕
I hear you about feeling emotional when looking at how mean we are to ourselves. And a quiet space where you won’t be disturbed is something I’d like too. Here’s to starting week 7
Let's do it! I'm excited to get started 🙌