I'm heartbroken 💔

RIP Budino

Our sweet boy. I wanted to include so many pictures, but I’m limiting myself to just one 💔

Friends,

Our beloved Budino died yesterday. I am devastated. I posted a note last week about how he’d taken a turn, and I was sick with worry. He came home from the vet and got a little better everyday, but I never fully felt that we were in the clear. We had a beautiful last day together on Sunday, and brought him to the vet again on Monday morning. He died within an hour of getting there. We were with him, and though it was heartbreaking, I am grateful for that.

I am crying as I write. I cried when I woke up this morning. I cry when I see his food dish, or bed or the up-turned basket he used as a step to reach the couch. I cry when I think of our sweet boy’s final moments, and all that he’s not going to be here for.

We have a lot to be grateful for too. He outlived his prognosis by more than 2 years, and the last year has felt like a particular gift. Long-term readers might remember how we almost lost him last Christmas, but he rallied. He was here to see us get engaged; I got to ask him permission to marry his Mom, and included the photograph in the post. He was here to enjoy another Summer of lying in the sun, and another Winter of cozy nights on the couch.

I am crushed, and I will be for a while.

I had another post planned for today - an essay about diet culture and disordered eating - but it didn’t feel right to share it. The only thing that feels right is crying, being with my family and remembering our sweet boy.

We are planning to make a donation to the DSPCA¹ in Budino’s honour, and 100% of this month’s Substack income will go toward that. If you would like to contribute, please consider upgrading your subscription for the month or make a donation via their website.

I hope you’ll hold the people and pets you love a little closer today. We never know when they might leave us forever 💔

Clare x

P.S. Huge thanks to those of you who completed the second annual reader survey last week. I’ll be honest and say that I haven’t had a moment to look at the results, but I’m hoping to do that soon. Here’s the link again if you’d like to take part:

In particular, I’m thinking about running The Artist’s Way as a community event this Spring. I did the Artist’s Way for the first time last Spring, in part because I needed a way to recover my creative self after the weight of anticipatory grief I felt caring for Budino last Winter. We came so close to loosing him and when he recovered, I felt adrift in my creative work. The Artist’s Way helped me find my way back then, and I suspect it will do it again this year.

I would like to host a gentle, low-commitment community exploration of how creativity can help us heal. We'll use The Artist's Way as a framework, but we'll be making it our own. Our only goal is to tap into our creativity in small ways, and to cheer each other on as we try. I've made a quick poll to register your interest:

OK, I’m going back to the couch! Thank you in advance for your love and support. I will hopefully be back to regular programming next week.

1. The Dublin Society for the Protection of Cruelty to Animals do incredible work. Learn more here.