Thank you Soph. I'm so happy to have discovered your newsletter too! I really relate to the idea of a 'queer tax' and am looking forward to reading more. Thank you for being here 🏳️🌈
Congratulations on the publication! This piece was so powerful...the ending about your mother made me feel all the feels. Thank you for sharing your story!
Thank you Danusia! I'm so glad you found this piece and that it moved you. To be honest, I'm quite close to squealling myself as the response has been so heartwarming. 💕
Clare, I couldn't find a link to the full story. Did you include it in your post? I'd love to read the entire article! The opening is very compelling and intriguing. Congrats on this published piece, by the way. I think it's incredibly generous of you to offer to share your journey to becoming published on Huffington Post, and I would love to hear more about how you did that, because I'd like to pitch a piece sometime!
Wow, Clare, so this was an incredibly brave essay. This part really clarified a lot from my own childhood: when you said your mom described the mechanics of sex but nothing about pleasure or consent. I mean---WOW. YES.
So, I was also raised in a conservative Catholic home. I am still a practicing Catholic, but I am disheartened and disillusioned with many of its doctrines and dogmas. My own story - my memoir that's on its fourth draft - is rooted in the way religion was presented to me as a child, regarding sex/reproduction/fertility. What ended up happening is that I've never used contraception and have five kids, three of whom are confirmed neurodiverse, and my fifth pregnancy when I was almost 40 nearly cost me my life because of postpartum depression. I now know there is a real phenomenon known as postpartum PTSD, which I believe I am dealing with.
Thank you for sharing your story. Incredible how so many threads can overlap with our readers! And yes, I will message you.
Gorgeous piece, Clare. I loved learning more about your coming out story and how you met your now partner. What a beautiful story that was paved by your bravery in so, so many ways. Happy pride. ☺️Also 7 year old you is PRECIOUS!!!
Thank you so much Emily, that’s very kind 💕 (7 year old me is hiding under the covers at the moment but I’ll share this with her when she’s able to hear it 😉)
Congratulations on this publication, Clare! How fantastic! It's so lovely to read about the feeling of contentment you've found as well. And beautiful writing! I'd love to hear more about your experience publishing with them--l sent them a pitch a while back and was met with cold silence, lol. (I don't have much experience with pitching, but l know that's often par for the course.)
Thank you Constance! Cold hard silence has usually been the response to my pitches too, so I know that feeling well. In this case, I submitted the full, completed essay that was revised (with the help of an editor I hired!) many, many times. They said yes quickly but it was a long slog of private work to get to that point. So, try not to give up! If you’ve a piece you believe in, stick with it. Sending solidarity to you my friend 💕
Your HuffPost essay is vulnerable and beautiful Clare. The end imagining your mother celebrating with you made me a little weepy. You’re not alone, many of us take a circuitous path to find our way to an authentic life. Congratulations on publishing your coming out story and wishing you a lifetime of love and happiness!
I also came out as a lesbian at age 33. Different time (1977), different path, but it was the right thing for me, and for you it seems! Congratulations on the publication and on your coming out. Happy Pride Month!
This is such a powerful read, Clare! Congrats on being published there!
I read it a couple of times because there’s so much in there, so much life. And I resonate with several parts, including the bit about homosexuality between women not being on the radar.
I grew up in central Scotland in the 80s and 90s, on the edge of the Catholic and Protestant ‘divide’, (cousins were devout Catholic, with ties to Ireland, and my parents were officially not religious, but I went to a Protestant leaning school.) Gay was a slur used on the playground and in streets for boys, and there was nothing for women. It was like the possibility didn’t exist. I often wonder how that’s impacted me, and continues to, and it touches me to see you share your experience.
(Very curious to hear more about your experience writing there, if you’d like to share more!)
Thank you Sandi 🙏 It’s interesting to hear how your experiences in Scotland echo mine during the same time period in rural Ireland. I’m so glad that this piece resonated with you.
I’ve lots to say about this writing experience so I’ll get started on a longer piece about that but if you’ve any questions, please let me know!
Also, grimly, "it felt right to me, elementally, to be used by a man for my body" was so DEEPLY the experience of my twenties. I've never even thought to articulate that thought, and I'm so grateful that you did. It's hard for me to know whether that was a result of childhood sexual trauma or our society teaching us (as it very much did in my day) that it was his "job" to push and mine to say no, that "boys will be boys" etc etc. But either way, thank you.
I'm sorry that line resonated with you so much. I've tried to sort the crimes from the societal "the way things were" attitude, and have never found it useful. It was all wrong. It was all harmful. Regardless of how it was thought about at the time. Thanks for being here my friend. I really appreciate your ongoing support ❤️
This was so cathartic to read. I've wondered how much of my previous issues with sex relate to trauma and how much could be to do with not recognising my queerness. Thank you for writing this so bravely
Love the outfit!!
I'd wear it again, if it still fit! 😉
I'd wear it, too, if I could find it!
Very powerful! Thank you for being vulnerable and sharing your coming out story and your precious connection with your mom! 🔥✊🏻💜
Happy Pride month and welcome to the queer side of the world 🙌🏻🌈
Thank you Soph. I'm so happy to have discovered your newsletter too! I really relate to the idea of a 'queer tax' and am looking forward to reading more. Thank you for being here 🏳️🌈
Thank you, Clare. This means the world to me! ☺️🌈
Congratulations on the publication! This piece was so powerful...the ending about your mother made me feel all the feels. Thank you for sharing your story!
Thanks so much Kelsey. I'm so glad you enjoyed it 💕
This piece was rapturous Clare. I’m wet eyed and so happy for you. Honest, I could squeal.
Your stile moment is breathtaking.
Thank you a hundred times over 💞
Thank you Danusia! I'm so glad you found this piece and that it moved you. To be honest, I'm quite close to squealling myself as the response has been so heartwarming. 💕
Clare, I couldn't find a link to the full story. Did you include it in your post? I'd love to read the entire article! The opening is very compelling and intriguing. Congrats on this published piece, by the way. I think it's incredibly generous of you to offer to share your journey to becoming published on Huffington Post, and I would love to hear more about how you did that, because I'd like to pitch a piece sometime!
Here you go Jeannie: https://www.huffpost.com/entry/abuse-sex-coming-out-gay_n_6643caace4b0f22a60f36d39. I will write more about the pitching process sometime, but feel free to email me if you have any specific questions too!
Wow, Clare, so this was an incredibly brave essay. This part really clarified a lot from my own childhood: when you said your mom described the mechanics of sex but nothing about pleasure or consent. I mean---WOW. YES.
So, I was also raised in a conservative Catholic home. I am still a practicing Catholic, but I am disheartened and disillusioned with many of its doctrines and dogmas. My own story - my memoir that's on its fourth draft - is rooted in the way religion was presented to me as a child, regarding sex/reproduction/fertility. What ended up happening is that I've never used contraception and have five kids, three of whom are confirmed neurodiverse, and my fifth pregnancy when I was almost 40 nearly cost me my life because of postpartum depression. I now know there is a real phenomenon known as postpartum PTSD, which I believe I am dealing with.
Thank you for sharing your story. Incredible how so many threads can overlap with our readers! And yes, I will message you.
Gorgeous piece, Clare. I loved learning more about your coming out story and how you met your now partner. What a beautiful story that was paved by your bravery in so, so many ways. Happy pride. ☺️Also 7 year old you is PRECIOUS!!!
Thank you so much Emily, that’s very kind 💕 (7 year old me is hiding under the covers at the moment but I’ll share this with her when she’s able to hear it 😉)
Tell her it’s so so so good!
Congratulations on this publication, Clare! How fantastic! It's so lovely to read about the feeling of contentment you've found as well. And beautiful writing! I'd love to hear more about your experience publishing with them--l sent them a pitch a while back and was met with cold silence, lol. (I don't have much experience with pitching, but l know that's often par for the course.)
Thank you Constance! Cold hard silence has usually been the response to my pitches too, so I know that feeling well. In this case, I submitted the full, completed essay that was revised (with the help of an editor I hired!) many, many times. They said yes quickly but it was a long slog of private work to get to that point. So, try not to give up! If you’ve a piece you believe in, stick with it. Sending solidarity to you my friend 💕
Your HuffPost essay is vulnerable and beautiful Clare. The end imagining your mother celebrating with you made me a little weepy. You’re not alone, many of us take a circuitous path to find our way to an authentic life. Congratulations on publishing your coming out story and wishing you a lifetime of love and happiness!
Thank you Deb! I often got emotional writing this piece and it’s incredible to final see it in print. Thank you for being here 🙏
I also came out as a lesbian at age 33. Different time (1977), different path, but it was the right thing for me, and for you it seems! Congratulations on the publication and on your coming out. Happy Pride Month!
Thank you so much Sandra and Happy Pride to you too 🏳️🌈
This is such a powerful read, Clare! Congrats on being published there!
I read it a couple of times because there’s so much in there, so much life. And I resonate with several parts, including the bit about homosexuality between women not being on the radar.
I grew up in central Scotland in the 80s and 90s, on the edge of the Catholic and Protestant ‘divide’, (cousins were devout Catholic, with ties to Ireland, and my parents were officially not religious, but I went to a Protestant leaning school.) Gay was a slur used on the playground and in streets for boys, and there was nothing for women. It was like the possibility didn’t exist. I often wonder how that’s impacted me, and continues to, and it touches me to see you share your experience.
(Very curious to hear more about your experience writing there, if you’d like to share more!)
Thank you Sandi 🙏 It’s interesting to hear how your experiences in Scotland echo mine during the same time period in rural Ireland. I’m so glad that this piece resonated with you.
I’ve lots to say about this writing experience so I’ll get started on a longer piece about that but if you’ve any questions, please let me know!
This is beautiful, Clare! Thank you for sharing your story! ❤️🌈
Thank you Katrina! I re-read your essay before pitching this one, and think I enjoyed it even more the second time around!
Amazing! Congrats!!
Thank you Unha 🙏
I absolutely LOVED this so much!! Thank you!
Also, grimly, "it felt right to me, elementally, to be used by a man for my body" was so DEEPLY the experience of my twenties. I've never even thought to articulate that thought, and I'm so grateful that you did. It's hard for me to know whether that was a result of childhood sexual trauma or our society teaching us (as it very much did in my day) that it was his "job" to push and mine to say no, that "boys will be boys" etc etc. But either way, thank you.
Thank you so much Em. That means a lot 💕
I'm sorry that line resonated with you so much. I've tried to sort the crimes from the societal "the way things were" attitude, and have never found it useful. It was all wrong. It was all harmful. Regardless of how it was thought about at the time. Thanks for being here my friend. I really appreciate your ongoing support ❤️
This was so cathartic to read. I've wondered how much of my previous issues with sex relate to trauma and how much could be to do with not recognising my queerness. Thank you for writing this so bravely