This was really, really fantastic. I have to confess to barking out a laugh of recognition at, in your response to everyone being sad about the pandemic, "'Welcome to the knowledge that your entire life can be wiped out in an instant', I thought, rather ungenerously. "
But what you said straight after was even more powerful. "As political systems swing to the right and wars rage, we need to find new ways to live amidst deep uncertainty." It articulated why I find your writing so helpful right now. Thank you xo
Thanks Em. I know the pandemic was rough for many people in lots of different ways but for those of us who'd been through hell before 2020, it was a very different experience.
total yes to this, we need to hear more from "Experts of experience". Thank you for writing and taking this stand. Beautiful writing too. I especially love this paragraph and the concluding sentence: "As political systems swing to the right and wars rage, we need to find new ways to live amidst deep uncertainty. We need to learn to process our grief, pain and trauma. We will need to do it more as the climate crisis intensifies and we’re forced to endure extreme human suffering on this planet. Survivors, as a cohort, have developed a skill set that is very useful in a world of chaos." You are reminding me of something that is currently simmering away on my back burner..I don't know what it will be yet, a collaborative course, a forum, interactive groups, maybe a series of interviews, where I and whoever feels aligned can offer inspiration and tools for navigating our brave new world.
Hi Ellen Anne, thank you for this kind comment. The best ideas often simmer on the back burner for a while before taking shape, but I'm looking forward to seeing what you create.
Gorgeous work. I'm so grateful that our hearts are evolving to share our trauma! We are not alone, even if the others in our world can't hold it with us.
Especially LOVE this metaphor:
“The earth was scorched, all life extinguished, only a barren, blackness remaining. Scorched land is remarkably fertile. Wood ash contains calcium, potassium, and magnesium which makes it a formidable fertiliser. Other nutrients contained in ash neutralise acidic soils and support new growth. Naturally occurring forrest fires are nature’s way of reinventing itself. From that fertile ground, I grew a new life. It was slow and laborious but I made myself a new home, a new life.”
I found this metaphor so inspiring, Clare. It absolutely reframed the trauma I've dealt with, and gives me a new perspective: it wasn't all negative, wasn't all in vain. The idea that survivors are experts also resonantes. I'm just starting to read your substack, but I can tell its going to be meaningful for me.
Just found your writing, Clare, and I’m appreciating your bravery in sharing here, speaking openly about these parts of life, and in rebuilding your own life too.
I find myself possibly in a similar situation, a bit lost, confused, and exploring as well, leaning into that exploration more, and I’m glad to find your writing.
Hi Sandi, Thanks for your comment. I'm so glad you're here and that this space might be a resource to you in the coming weeks/months/years. I'm also excited to read more of your work!
"But my hesitancy to foreground the trauma says something about how we talk about the worst things that have happened to us. "
This made me cry. My daughter experienced a traumatic event at age 14 and helping her heal has changed the way I see the world. I believe your perspective is going to help me support my daughter more. Thank you for this brave offering. I am so sorry for the pain you have experienced.
Thank you Rachel. I'm so glad you're here. I'm sending good wishes to your daughter too. Trauma is devestating at any age, but it is especially difficult for the young. She is lucky to have you.
Clare, I love this language of "expert by experience." It's so empowering and respectful of people's lived experiences, and their right to write about them.
Hello Clare, By the time I was 2 1/2, I had been sexually abused by both my parents. I have no memory of myself before. That might be a blessing. But I have memories of 40 years of not knowing my truth. And over the last 35 years, I've learned, I am proof, that wisdom is crystallized suffering. It's knowing how to crystallize that frees us from victimhood. Your work with the Artist's Way seems to be a great crystallizing process.
Thank you for sharing a little of your experience, Lynn. 💕 So many of us carry these difficult truths and I'm a firm believer in the power of sharing our stories in community with other folks. I'm delighted to have discovered your newsletter and look forward to reading more from you in my inbox.
Thanks for your kind words about The Artist's Way too. "A great crystallizing process" is a lovely way to describe what we've been building together. Have you done The Artist's Way before? If so, maybe you'd like sharing some of the wisdom you gleaned from that experience in our weekly threads.
As an aside, I wonder if you've seen my SurvivorStack directory for newsletters about trauma? I think your work could be a lovely addition to the list and would be honoured to include you, if it felt right to you. Here's a link if you'd like to learn more: https://clareegan.substack.com/p/survivorstack-a-directory-of-newsletters
Saying you're a victim/survivor of sexual assault is such a phenomenonal act of bravery. Even if the interaction goes poorly, it's vital to remind yourself & love yourself for being brave. Which I'm saying as much to me as you.
As for the victim/survivor debate. I love words & I studied & wrestled with the two for a long time. I ultimately think neither can fully encompass the pain and the loss and the recovery. I think English could use a better word(s), but I don't know what those are.
As has been said, both are useful & both have their flaws, and it's up to the person living through it to illuminate their shadows or not, however they wish. Because that, claiming your story, in silence or spoken, is a choice. A way to take back something which was lost/stolen.
Thank you Ada. I really appreciate your kind words 💕
I think it's really important to respect whatever language a person uses to describe their experiences. Those labels aren't static, but can evolve and change throughout our lives. I agree that we need more (& better) language for these topics in English too. I know other cultures have a more spacious understanding of these ideas, and I think that's really missing from our typical English vocabulary.
Thank you so much for this. Part of my own ongoing outness relates to childhood rape and violence. We live in a rape culture that shames us for being victims of a rape culture. It makes me SO ANGRY. Because unless you speak out as you do in this post, the shame continues. We know, absolutely, from the #metoo movement, that sexual trauma is ubiquitous. I remember a male friend saying, "OMG, every woman (and nonbinary person, who would be me) has #metoo on their profile." I was like, "You're surprised? You do live in this world, don't you?" And I am so very proud of the healing. Which doesn't mean there isn't still an undertow. Which doesn't mean I don't still see more. And yes, yes, yes, to the ways a history of violence can offer hope when crises in life return. The idea of being victims who know less, contribute less, is part of the culture that keeps it all going. Congrats on your award! What you're writing is SO IMPORTANT!
Welcome Jules. Thank you for sharing a slice of your story, and I am so sorry for what you've been through.
The question of foregrounding trauma is a really interesting one. Like many people, I have survived multiple traumas and I rarely share them all at once. It's just too much for people. But I like to think that this is a space where we can share it all, and not worry about seeming like "too much".
I'm so happy to have you here. Thank you for joining us 💕
oh my oh dear. I posted this on the website not on Substack and I didn't want it to post here so I've deleted it. Way too much information for a public forum. Appreciate your comment. Thank you so much.
Whew. Per usual, I just immediately wrote/responded w/o checking how others answered your prompt. Slow i n g my roll is a work in progress (that is a new way of being, and Im interested in what it might bring).
I loved reading this post, Clare. So much of what you wrote resonated with me. Thank you for sharing!
Thank you for reading Meenakshi. I'm so glad the piece resonated.
This was really, really fantastic. I have to confess to barking out a laugh of recognition at, in your response to everyone being sad about the pandemic, "'Welcome to the knowledge that your entire life can be wiped out in an instant', I thought, rather ungenerously. "
But what you said straight after was even more powerful. "As political systems swing to the right and wars rage, we need to find new ways to live amidst deep uncertainty." It articulated why I find your writing so helpful right now. Thank you xo
Thanks Em. I know the pandemic was rough for many people in lots of different ways but for those of us who'd been through hell before 2020, it was a very different experience.
yes, it was!
total yes to this, we need to hear more from "Experts of experience". Thank you for writing and taking this stand. Beautiful writing too. I especially love this paragraph and the concluding sentence: "As political systems swing to the right and wars rage, we need to find new ways to live amidst deep uncertainty. We need to learn to process our grief, pain and trauma. We will need to do it more as the climate crisis intensifies and we’re forced to endure extreme human suffering on this planet. Survivors, as a cohort, have developed a skill set that is very useful in a world of chaos." You are reminding me of something that is currently simmering away on my back burner..I don't know what it will be yet, a collaborative course, a forum, interactive groups, maybe a series of interviews, where I and whoever feels aligned can offer inspiration and tools for navigating our brave new world.
Hi Ellen Anne, thank you for this kind comment. The best ideas often simmer on the back burner for a while before taking shape, but I'm looking forward to seeing what you create.
Gorgeous work. I'm so grateful that our hearts are evolving to share our trauma! We are not alone, even if the others in our world can't hold it with us.
Especially LOVE this metaphor:
“The earth was scorched, all life extinguished, only a barren, blackness remaining. Scorched land is remarkably fertile. Wood ash contains calcium, potassium, and magnesium which makes it a formidable fertiliser. Other nutrients contained in ash neutralise acidic soils and support new growth. Naturally occurring forrest fires are nature’s way of reinventing itself. From that fertile ground, I grew a new life. It was slow and laborious but I made myself a new home, a new life.”
Thank you Christine. I laboured over that metaphor so I'm very glad that it resonated.
Labors of Love 🥰
I found this metaphor so inspiring, Clare. It absolutely reframed the trauma I've dealt with, and gives me a new perspective: it wasn't all negative, wasn't all in vain. The idea that survivors are experts also resonantes. I'm just starting to read your substack, but I can tell its going to be meaningful for me.
Thank you Janet. I'm so glad you're here
Just found your writing, Clare, and I’m appreciating your bravery in sharing here, speaking openly about these parts of life, and in rebuilding your own life too.
I find myself possibly in a similar situation, a bit lost, confused, and exploring as well, leaning into that exploration more, and I’m glad to find your writing.
Hi Sandi, Thanks for your comment. I'm so glad you're here and that this space might be a resource to you in the coming weeks/months/years. I'm also excited to read more of your work!
"But my hesitancy to foreground the trauma says something about how we talk about the worst things that have happened to us. "
This made me cry. My daughter experienced a traumatic event at age 14 and helping her heal has changed the way I see the world. I believe your perspective is going to help me support my daughter more. Thank you for this brave offering. I am so sorry for the pain you have experienced.
Thank you Rachel. I'm so glad you're here. I'm sending good wishes to your daughter too. Trauma is devestating at any age, but it is especially difficult for the young. She is lucky to have you.
Clare, I love this language of "expert by experience." It's so empowering and respectful of people's lived experiences, and their right to write about them.
I also love your language for describing post-traumatic growth as the fertile period following a forest fire. I dug into that metaphor here as well: https://ryanroseweaver.substack.com/p/2-learned-to-grieve-from-trees/comments
Very glad we're connected here, through the mycelial web of the Internet :)
Love what you say here about your eagerness to 'dwell amidst the questions.' Thank you for sharing. 💜
Thank you Sophie.
Hello Clare, By the time I was 2 1/2, I had been sexually abused by both my parents. I have no memory of myself before. That might be a blessing. But I have memories of 40 years of not knowing my truth. And over the last 35 years, I've learned, I am proof, that wisdom is crystallized suffering. It's knowing how to crystallize that frees us from victimhood. Your work with the Artist's Way seems to be a great crystallizing process.
Thank you for sharing a little of your experience, Lynn. 💕 So many of us carry these difficult truths and I'm a firm believer in the power of sharing our stories in community with other folks. I'm delighted to have discovered your newsletter and look forward to reading more from you in my inbox.
Thanks for your kind words about The Artist's Way too. "A great crystallizing process" is a lovely way to describe what we've been building together. Have you done The Artist's Way before? If so, maybe you'd like sharing some of the wisdom you gleaned from that experience in our weekly threads.
As an aside, I wonder if you've seen my SurvivorStack directory for newsletters about trauma? I think your work could be a lovely addition to the list and would be honoured to include you, if it felt right to you. Here's a link if you'd like to learn more: https://clareegan.substack.com/p/survivorstack-a-directory-of-newsletters
Saying you're a victim/survivor of sexual assault is such a phenomenonal act of bravery. Even if the interaction goes poorly, it's vital to remind yourself & love yourself for being brave. Which I'm saying as much to me as you.
As for the victim/survivor debate. I love words & I studied & wrestled with the two for a long time. I ultimately think neither can fully encompass the pain and the loss and the recovery. I think English could use a better word(s), but I don't know what those are.
As has been said, both are useful & both have their flaws, and it's up to the person living through it to illuminate their shadows or not, however they wish. Because that, claiming your story, in silence or spoken, is a choice. A way to take back something which was lost/stolen.
Thank you Ada. I really appreciate your kind words 💕
I think it's really important to respect whatever language a person uses to describe their experiences. Those labels aren't static, but can evolve and change throughout our lives. I agree that we need more (& better) language for these topics in English too. I know other cultures have a more spacious understanding of these ideas, and I think that's really missing from our typical English vocabulary.
Thank you so much for this. Part of my own ongoing outness relates to childhood rape and violence. We live in a rape culture that shames us for being victims of a rape culture. It makes me SO ANGRY. Because unless you speak out as you do in this post, the shame continues. We know, absolutely, from the #metoo movement, that sexual trauma is ubiquitous. I remember a male friend saying, "OMG, every woman (and nonbinary person, who would be me) has #metoo on their profile." I was like, "You're surprised? You do live in this world, don't you?" And I am so very proud of the healing. Which doesn't mean there isn't still an undertow. Which doesn't mean I don't still see more. And yes, yes, yes, to the ways a history of violence can offer hope when crises in life return. The idea of being victims who know less, contribute less, is part of the culture that keeps it all going. Congrats on your award! What you're writing is SO IMPORTANT!
Welcome Jules. Thank you for sharing a slice of your story, and I am so sorry for what you've been through.
The question of foregrounding trauma is a really interesting one. Like many people, I have survived multiple traumas and I rarely share them all at once. It's just too much for people. But I like to think that this is a space where we can share it all, and not worry about seeming like "too much".
I'm so happy to have you here. Thank you for joining us 💕
oh my oh dear. I posted this on the website not on Substack and I didn't want it to post here so I've deleted it. Way too much information for a public forum. Appreciate your comment. Thank you so much.
Thank you for being here 💕
(& no worries about the deleted comment - I doubt anyone would have seen it, except for me!)
Whew. Per usual, I just immediately wrote/responded w/o checking how others answered your prompt. Slow i n g my roll is a work in progress (that is a new way of being, and Im interested in what it might bring).