This gave me so much food for thought. Thank you for writing this and sharing it!
I think the "strength in softness" is a such a good point, and sometimes easy to lose track of internally for myself. Um, this might seem sort of tangential, but what came to mind was this: when I've worked in jobs that involve emotional labor/customer service that sort of approach tends to help in situations when people get upset and feel threatened. Going with a strong but soft "I'm really sorry x y or z happened - I'm trying to help to right now though, so please help me help you" has been a way I've found through tough moments of reactivity with others. A lot of people calm down when they hear that their suffering is acknowledged, and come back when called to mutual problem solving. "I am here with you and I want to help you" (...not to say that sometimes people don't just need some time and space to calm down too!). It's something that came to mind and that I could use more often with myself and in relationships/friendships when things get heated. It's easier with strangers to keep a level head for me, I think :P.
Focusing on how far I've come has been tough at times but sometimes I stop in amazement at that exact thought. I related a lot to what you shared about the seeking friendship phase, the weird friend meetups, and the recovery time needed from that (and trying to figure out how to come back from a place of containment / aloneness). Ah, I could go on!
Again, thank you for sharing 😊 Looking forward to your future posts in this series!!
Thank you so much Po 🙏 I'm recovering from Covid at the moment so and everything feels even more exhausting than usual, so perhaps I'm due a reminder about how being able to rest/go slower is its own form of strength. I dunno, but thank you for this lovely comment.
You're welcome. I think it has to be a form of strength in a world that doesn't always recognize the value in it. Thanks for replying - I hope you get as much rest as you can, and that you have some peace in resting. Feel better soon, Clare!
I always think that we are pack animals. We’re supposed to connect with each other. And trauma severs the interpersonal bridge so that it has to be rebuilt. I was married for 35 years and what helped us. The most was being in communication with other couples in recovery. Finding out that what we did wasn’t so strange. And laughing at ourselves anyway. I also really rely on a spiritual connection with the light inside of me. At my best, I look through my triggers and remember the light inside the people that I love. That helps me to manage reactivity.
This gave me so much food for thought. Thank you for writing this and sharing it!
I think the "strength in softness" is a such a good point, and sometimes easy to lose track of internally for myself. Um, this might seem sort of tangential, but what came to mind was this: when I've worked in jobs that involve emotional labor/customer service that sort of approach tends to help in situations when people get upset and feel threatened. Going with a strong but soft "I'm really sorry x y or z happened - I'm trying to help to right now though, so please help me help you" has been a way I've found through tough moments of reactivity with others. A lot of people calm down when they hear that their suffering is acknowledged, and come back when called to mutual problem solving. "I am here with you and I want to help you" (...not to say that sometimes people don't just need some time and space to calm down too!). It's something that came to mind and that I could use more often with myself and in relationships/friendships when things get heated. It's easier with strangers to keep a level head for me, I think :P.
Focusing on how far I've come has been tough at times but sometimes I stop in amazement at that exact thought. I related a lot to what you shared about the seeking friendship phase, the weird friend meetups, and the recovery time needed from that (and trying to figure out how to come back from a place of containment / aloneness). Ah, I could go on!
Again, thank you for sharing 😊 Looking forward to your future posts in this series!!
Thank you so much Po 🙏 I'm recovering from Covid at the moment so and everything feels even more exhausting than usual, so perhaps I'm due a reminder about how being able to rest/go slower is its own form of strength. I dunno, but thank you for this lovely comment.
You're welcome. I think it has to be a form of strength in a world that doesn't always recognize the value in it. Thanks for replying - I hope you get as much rest as you can, and that you have some peace in resting. Feel better soon, Clare!
ALSO THIS: "You become a team working toward the shared project of loving each other more fully." - yes yes yes, agh. Thanks for the reminder 😄
Such beautiful, wise guidance, Clare. I love your line about seeing softness as a kind of strength. Me too.
Thank you Dana, I'm so glad this resonated with you 🙏
I always think that we are pack animals. We’re supposed to connect with each other. And trauma severs the interpersonal bridge so that it has to be rebuilt. I was married for 35 years and what helped us. The most was being in communication with other couples in recovery. Finding out that what we did wasn’t so strange. And laughing at ourselves anyway. I also really rely on a spiritual connection with the light inside of me. At my best, I look through my triggers and remember the light inside the people that I love. That helps me to manage reactivity.
I love this Skylar, thank you 🙏
This was so beautiful and compassionate and helpful and made me cry at the end. Thank you.
Thank you Em! This really means a lot! 🙏