50 things I’ve learned this year (part 2)
It's my birthday! Here are 25 more things I've learned this year
Welcome to Life after Trauma; I’m Clare Egan. I’m passionate about the intersection between creativity and recovery from trauma. Today’s post is the second of a two-part series on the things I’ve learned over the last year.
November is my birthday month, and I always like to take the opportunity to reflect on the year that’s been. Here are some of the things I’ve learned, relearned or tried to learn over the last year.
Go to the freaking dentist. It’s miserable and costs a bomb, but you need to do it.
Don’t deprioritise therapy. Even when you think you’re doing fine and it’s such a pain to get the whole way across town on a weekday, it’s still necessary.
Institute a weekly date night. It’s nice to always have something to look forward to.
You can still watch Disney films even if you’re an adult with no kids.
Eat when you’re hungry. Don’t analyse it. Don’t worry about it. Don’t spiral. Just do it. Your body is wise. Don’t judge your appetite. Just eat.
Take more photos. Print them. Hang them. Bring the people who aren’t in your everyday life into your home. (I got a digital photoframe for my partner a few years ago and it’s become one of our favourite possessions. I love seeing our memories slideshow throughout the day. It’s a pricey gift, but for us, it’s been worth it.)
Life is too short to read shitty books!
Be kind to your future self. Put things in the slow cooker. Buy extras of the things you love. Spend money on things that make your life easier. It’s hard to do. It’s hard, at least for me, to believe you’re worth spending money on. But you are.
Adriene (of Yoga with Adriene) asked in a video once: “Are you exerting more effort than you need to?” That simple question was life-changing for me. I grew up around the narrative of always giving 100%, of going above and beyond. But often, you can do less. People will be satisfied with less. They likely won’t even notice it’s less. And it means you don’t burn out. It’s OK to do just enough.
There’s always more to life than binary systems will let you believe. This is true when it comes to gender, but also so many other ways.
Please, please stop worrying about “wasting time”. What a waste of time THAT is.
Solvitur ambulando. A latin phrase which means: “it is solved by walking”.
“Don’t let anyone tell you who you are or what you are capable of.”
Try to get outside every day. A little sunlight, fresh air and nature changes everything.
When I listened to Brene Brown and Glennon Doyle talk about not knowing how to stop working, my first reaction was very judgy. Then I realised I was judging them because I judge myself because they are right. When you dig deep, that soil comes from somewhere. It’s not a valorous thing. We need to learn to stop.
Related: I’m so grateful for the full, rich life I’ve built outside of work.
Take care of your heart. Set boundaries. Sometimes you can’t help. Sometimes it’s better to step back, and let someone else take responsibility for their life.
Try the pomodoro technique. It works, even if you don’t think it will.
I have a planner which I use not for planning my life, but recording it. At the end of each work day, I jot down the things I’ve accomplished and what I want to remember about that day. It takes less than 5 minutes a day but gives me a high level snapshot of the kind of life I’m living. What’s going well, what hurts, what I need to change. It’s a small, simple habit that has had a big impact on my overall quality of life.
Pay the creators whose work gives your life meaning.
I still can’t believe we’re allowed to listen in on people’s therapy sessions. I’ve learned a lot from these podcasts, mostly that therapists are people too and they get things wrong.
When something feels insane but you know you have to do it, do it. You can’t always explain what you need, but your intuition will guide you toward it.
Give your brain time to be quiet. To be free of external input. To be away from screens and in the physical world.
Cull. Unsubscribe. Always aim for fewer, better quality things. Declutter your digital space as much as your physical space. (Consider this your permission slip to unsubscribe from this newsletter if it no longer serves you. No hard feelings!)
People do friendship in different ways. There are lots of ways to have and be a friend. Don’t miss what’s right in front of you because you’re hungry for something else.
And one I’m still learning: Try not to underestimate people
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💬 In the comments, I’d love to hear about some of the things you’ve learned, relearned or tried to learn over the last year. They can be big or small, silly or serious. The only thing that matters is that they’ve positively impacted your life.
Such a beautiful and helpful post, Clare. So much wisdom.
My birthday is November 29; I’ll be 57. I’ve learned how important it is for me to start each day with journaling and tapping (I use an awesome tapping app that I wrote about in my latest post). I’ve learned that time in nature is also essential to my mental and spiritual health.
I continue to learn that my intuition has wisdom that my rational brain does not and that I can connect to Divine Love anytime and anywhere, because it dwells within and connects all beings.
I’ve learned that I can’t control other people’s actions (it’s hard enough to control my own!) and that trying to is not wise or helpful.
I’ve learned that rest and play are at least as important as work. I’ve learned that love - especially self-love - is more important than anything else.